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Writing Samples
Band 6

some people believe that it is the best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have a healthy diet discuss both views and give your own opinion

There is a debate over who should be responsible for encouraging
children
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 to stop eating unhealthy
food
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, some saying that
teachers
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 have a higher
influence
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 on
children
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,
while
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 others believe that
parents
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 can only control their
children
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 with their healthy
diet
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. From my personal statement, I believe that
parents
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 can
influence
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 eating balanced foods rather than a poor
diet
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. There is a point that most
teachers
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 do not have good experience with
children
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's balanced
diet
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,
for
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this
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 reason, they can not provide rules for them not to eat unhealthy foods.
Although
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teachers
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 should ensure
children
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 eat healthily,
this
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 is not a practical expectation.
Teachers
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 already have heavy workloads, including preparing lessons, grading, and managing classroom behaviour. Adding the responsibility of monitoring
children
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's diets would distract them from their main role, which is education.
Moreover
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,
teachers
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 only interact with students during school hours, meaning their
influence
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 is limited after lots of lessons in one day. Even if a teacher encourages healthy eating,
children
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 may still consume harmful foods or drinks at home, which efforts less effective.
Therefore
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, relying on
teachers
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 alone to shape
children
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's eating
habits
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 is unrealistic. Undoubtedly,
parents
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 play a much more significant role in guiding their
children
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's diets.
For instance
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,
parents
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 decide what
food
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 is purchased and cooked at home, which in fact affects
children
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's daily eating
habits
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.
For example
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, if
parents
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 follow by on their juveniles' eating
habits
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 and keep them on that step always, that time
children
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 are more likely to develop good
habits
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 from an early age.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 are more likely to have friends because they eat only healthy
food
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 and only just steps
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that
side
Check wording
direction
show examples
, so that time
children
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 can have some desire to do the same.
This
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 long-term, consistent
influence
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 makes
parents
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 the most effective role models for encouraging eating
habits
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. In conclusion,
while
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teachers
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 can raise awareness about a healthy
diet
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, they cannot realistically control what
children
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 eat.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 have a much greater
influence
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 because they provide
food
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, set an example and guide
children
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's behaviour at home.
Therefore
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, I strongly believe that
parents
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 have a good experience in avoiding
children
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 from unhealthy
diet
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habits
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.

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structure
Plan your essay first. Start with a short intro of what you will say. Then give view 1, view 2, your own view, and finish with a short end.
language
Use linking words to show contrast and add ideas. For example: but, however, on the other hand, also, in addition.
content
Give clear facts or examples for each point. This will help to show your view is true.
language
Check grammar and make many simple sentences. This helps the reader to trust your words.
structure
You state your own view clearly in the end.
content
You discuss both sides, not just one.
language
You give concrete actions the parent can take at home.
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