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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

eople nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

There is no denying the fact that people nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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,
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apply
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 and the effects on individuals and people around them.
To begin
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 with, there are many reasons for less sleep nowadays.
Firstly
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, watching TV to midnight is a bad habit that we all used to do every day.
In other words
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, from the medical side, if the magnesium is low in our bodies, we will face problems with sleeping.
In addition
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, raising the cortisol hormone is one of the causes.
For example
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, social media hurts us
,
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;
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 it makes us think about how to make ourselves the best version of ourselves. In terms of the effects on individuals, you will not be able to focus on your studies or work, make mistakes, lower efficiency,
and
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or
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 have accidents.
Moreover
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, it has results on mental health, like depression, mood swings, and stress. The outcomes on the people
aroundyou
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around you
, the less you take a rest, the more you become an aggressive person. It is
also
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 possible to say that there is a bad impact on your social life, as there is no time for friends and family.
Furthermore
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, dark circles and low energy. In conclusion, there are many reasons for
this
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 problem. It is
also
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 true that the lack of proper rest reduces productivity.

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improvement
The essay talks about the topic but the ideas are not well built. Add 1 or 2 main reasons and 1 or 2 clear effects, with a short example for each.
structure
Make the structure clear: intro, body with one idea per paragraph, and a short conclusion that restates the main idea.
language
Correct the grammar and use simple phrases. For example, say 'until midnight', 'low magnesium can affect sleep', and 'people around you'.
content
The topic is clear and the plan is stated in the introduction.
structure
There is a list of effects in the second paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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