Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

While
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some of the population think young
people
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need to do charity in order to contribute to the
community
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, some
people
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may ask themselves how it is beneficial to both the
community
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and the young
people
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. I mostly agree with
this
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notion. From my perspective,
due to
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the new technological age, teens do not take responsibility in daily life as much as they normally need to. Somehow, they are always on their phones; because of that, they do not spend their free time productively. Doing unpaid
community
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work not only helps them to take responsibility and spend quality time, but it
also
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affects their empathy
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
in a good way. The primary reason for my view is that, as the world is getting more
individualized
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individualised
show examples
, it is getting harder to communicate and to be able to
empathize
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empathise
show examples
with others. I believe that when they get a chance to do chores
such
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as keeping the environment clean, picking up trash, they can feel what the stuff feels every day
while
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cleaning the streets. Putting effort into something can be beneficial to respect other
people
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.
Additionally
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,
this
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helps the
community
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,
while
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keeping the environment tidy and hygienic; teens
also
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have a chance to elevate their
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. Another significant point that I want to mention is the abuse of mobile device use and how it affects the young generation badly. Smartphones are the easiest dopamine resource for everyone. If someone is not mature enough to control their screentime,
then
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there is nothing to do but replace
this
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bad behaviour with a good one.
For example
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, when a teen gets bored, it is so easy for them to just access their phone and scroll for hours, and obviously, the result will be wasted hours. To prevent
this
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situation, they can take roles in charity work, and in that way, both they and the
community
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can take advantage of
this
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new habit. In conclusion, I firmly believe that unpaid
community
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work may be advantageous for both the environment,
people
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, and teens. By that opportunity, they develop themselves
while
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contributing to society.

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structure
Make a plan in your mind before you write. Start with a clear view of your answer.
coherence
Put one idea in each paragraph. Make a clear link from idea to next idea.
coherence
Use simple words. Use small links like also, but, and then to show how ideas go together.
examples
Give a real example for each idea. Show what happened and what it means.
task
Be more even in view. If you note a plus, also note a minus or why your view is strong.
grammar
Check long sentences. Break them into two small ones so the reader can follow.
content
The writer shows a clear view that unpaid work can help both teen and town.
content
The idea that phones and screen time link to needing work is shown.
coherence
Some good joining words and transitions are used.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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