IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

The advancement of internet technology means people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how people in other places live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#advancement #internet #technology #people #travel #countries #places
There is no doubt that
internet
 technology has changed the world to a great extent.
Due to
this
 advancement, some population believe that nowadays,
people
 can just use
this
 technology and can get a glimpse of other countries without travelling. I completely disagree with
this
 statement as
this
 will not let
people
 have a real feel of the area and
people
. To start with, though travelling has become easy, it is still expensive. So, some part of the population thinks that
instead
 of wasting money to travel,
people
 can sit in the comfort of their houses and get a feel of the other cities and their citizens and can learn more about them just by the click of a button using the
internet
, all they need is a computer and
internet
 services or they can just use their personal phone.
For instance
, Indians can get an idea of Australia and its
people
 by watching
videos
 on the
internet
.
This
also
 saves them a lot of money.
On the contrary
, another group of the cohort perceives that no
one
 can get a real picture of any other
place
 without experiencing it.
For example
,
people
 can better understand the Australian culture and its
people
 by visiting Australia rather than by watching
videos
 online. Most of the
videos
 are subjective and they do not provide the real picture. I believe the same and agree that to get complete knowledge of the
place
 and the
people
 who belong there,
one
 should come and personally get hands-on experience rather than watching some clips online. The gist of the matter is that most of the things are done better by visiting and learning more about the different places and
people
 is
one
 of them. So, to get a better understanding of a
place
 and its populace,
one
 should come and visit that
place
 rather than believing in the online posted
videos
.
Submitted by kiran.deep24 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, aim for more transitional phrases that connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
task achievement
Further details and examples in support of your views could strengthen the argument, offering a deeper insight.
task achievement
Effective use of an introductory paragraph to set up the essay's stance clearly.
coherence cohesion
Good structure with clear separation between paragraphs supporting different views.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's argument, reinforcing your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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