IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Caring for children is probably the most important thing of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement

Parenting is one of the most crucial responsibilities in society. Some people believe that every parent should attend formal
courses
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. I contend that the benefits will outweigh the drawbacks
and
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, and
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 the reasons will be discussed in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, these parenting
courses
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 typically give clear guidance for new
parents
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. Toddlers’ growth occurs only once
,
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;
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 ensuring they have access to well-rounded development should be the priority, thereby enhancing the quality of parenting.
For instance
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, every year the Taiwanese government offers formal parenting classes at community colleges, enabling
parents
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 to attend these classes with their children to the classes after their busy schedule.
Moreover
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, in the class, professional instructors are available to offer immediate guidance and answer questions. Ultimately,
parents
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 have basic accurate knowledge for parenting.
Secondly
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, another advantage of mandatory parental attendance is that these
courses
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 help
minimize
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minimise
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 potential risks of a child being overlooked, abused, or
impropriety raising
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improperly raised
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.
Additionally
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, at present, most
of
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apply
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households
are
Verb problem
apply
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consist of nuclear families. Without appropriate parenting, children’s mental and physical well-being may be negatively impacted. Take Taiwan as an example, the press occasionally reports
the
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apply
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cases
about
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of
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 some
teenager’s
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teenagers’
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 inadequate
behaviors
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behaviour
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due to
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 adults
neglect
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neglecting
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 them,
subsequently
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 disrupting the learning environment for classmates and teachers.
As a result
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, the most crucial aspect of educating children is that
parents
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 are equipped with fundamental parenting knowledge. In conclusion,
although
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 there are various ways for
rising
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raising
show examples
 infants. Judging from the points elaborated above the previous paragraphs, I would like to reiterate my standpoint that
parents
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 should join the mandatory childcare
courses
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 to prepare themselves with fundamental parenting information.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first part and keep it steady in all paragraphs.
language
Use plain style and short sentences. Check grammar and fix long or mixed words.
coherence
Use simple link words to connect ideas, like also, but, and for example.
content
Give good and clear examples that fit the point you make.
task response
You state a clear view.
structure
There is a plan with an intro, body parts, and conclusion.
content
An example from Taiwan is used to add detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • care
  • children
  • society
  • important
  • parents
  • training
  • skills
  • understand
  • needs
  • situations
  • behavior
  • safety
  • relationship
  • trust
  • love
  • outcomes
  • healthy
  • successful
  • future
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