IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more people are using mobile phones and computers. Thus, people are losing the ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Nowadays, digital devices
such
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 as mobile phones and
computers
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 have become the main tools for communication.
While
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 I agree that
technology
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 offers many benefits, I believe that its negative impact on
face to face
Use the right word
face-to-face
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 interaction is more significant. Nowadays, many young
people
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 are addicted to online video games at home, which causes them
reduce
Verb problem
to reduce
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in
Change preposition
apply
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direct interaction with friends.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they can send instant messages through cell phones and
computers
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,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of eye contact and body language will decline their social interactions. It may influence young
people
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’s commercial negotiation skills in future jobs.
For example
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, in commercial meetings, managers require
to read
Wrong verb form
reading
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 eye contact and gestures to understand
client’s
Correct article usage
the client’s
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 real
thought
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thoughts
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. Without
this
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ability
Add a comma
ability,
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 young employees may fail to
negotiation
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negotiate
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 successfully.
As a result
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, more real social interaction with face-to-face can strengthen competitiveness in
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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, which increases profits.
On the other hand
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, in the past, many family members who live in different countries
are
Verb problem
had
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 limited contact. But now
technology
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 makes
people
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 more convenient to communicate with
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people
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each other
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 through phones and
computers
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. We allow
to
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people to
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 have more time to accompany family, which decreases
people
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’s family gap and
strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
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 family bonds.
For instance
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,
migrants
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migrant
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 workers can use video calls to interact with their
family
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families
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. It not only saves commuting time but
makes
Rephrase
also makes
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relationship more
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relationships
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 closer.
However
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,
although
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technology
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 deals with the distances between
people
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, improving the relationship with family, I believe that the negative impacts are more significant. In conclusion, I totally agree that the prolonged use of smartphones and
computers
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 can erode
peoples'
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people's
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 communication skills in person
due to
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 the increase in social insecurity and the addictive
behavior
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behaviour
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 stemming from advanced
technology
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.

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task response
The view is clear, but grow how and why you think tech hurts talks. Add more reasons and connect them to your claim.
task response
Some ideas are weak or not fully shown. Give more facts or simple reasons to back each point.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences and keep one main idea per paragraph. Link ideas with simple transitions.
coherence cohesion
Fix grammar and word choice. Use plain, correct forms to avoid mistakes that make your point hard to follow.
task response
Clear stance is stated in the intro.
coherence cohesion
Some real-life examples are used to explain points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • interpersonal skills
  • overreliance
  • digital communication platforms
  • convenience
  • efficiency
  • social bonds
  • enhance
  • bridging long distances
  • fostering connections
  • age groups
  • adept
  • integrating
  • landscape
  • emotional intelligence
  • nuances
  • striking a balance
  • limitations
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