IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think competitive sport is important for a child's education. Others think it has negative effects on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Recently, the question of whether or not the involvement of competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 in education would have a positive impact on children
.
Verb problem
has been raised.
show examples
While
Linking Words
 some might argue that it is critical, others would lean towards it being more negative. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will dive into both opposing opinions and share why I agree with the former. On one hand, some would argue that developing a child's sense of
acheivement
Correct your spelling
achievement
 outside the
curriculam
Correct your spelling
curriculum
 is without a doubt critical, as children not only need an outlet and a way to express themselves but movement and healthy habits integrated into their lifestyle. Supporting
this
Linking Words
 view, a study in 2019 in
The
Fix capitalization
the
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 United States showed a strong link between a child's mental health and their involvement in
sports
Use synonyms
. Which
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 improved their cognitive thinking and exhibited better performance at school.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the link between competitiveness and
frusturation
Correct your spelling
frustration
 might be the main reason why some would oppose the idea. Failing to provide a safe space and a supportive system for children to play
sports
Use synonyms
 and compete will
consequently
Linking Words
 lead to it being a hostile
enviroment
Correct your spelling
environment
resulting
Punctuation problem
, resulting
show examples
 in low
self esteem
Use the right word
self-esteem
show examples
 and
frusturation
Correct your spelling
frustration
. In conclusion, I believe competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 can be integrated
while
Linking Words
simultanously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
prioritizing
Use the right word
prioritising
show examples
 the existence of good coaching, a healthy community and a supportive system.
This
Linking Words
 will evidently make competitive
sports
Use synonyms
 valuable and
benifitial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 as part of education.

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task
Add more depth to each view with two or three clear reasons for why people think so.
structure
Make each paragraph start with a clear topic sentence that states one main idea.
grammar
Use simple, correct grammar and spell the key words right; check spelling.
cohesion
Use more linking words to show how ideas connect (for example, also, but, however, in addition).
examples
Give more real examples for each point, not only a study from one place.
content
Finish with a clear view in the end that matches the task.
structure
The writer shows two sides of the topic.
content
There is an introduction and a conclusion and a clear aim.
cohesion
The essay uses some link words to move ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Teamwork
  • Cooperation
  • Communication skills
  • Physical fitness
  • Obesity
  • Discipline
  • Time management
  • Confidence
  • Resilience
  • Anxiety
  • Burnout
  • Mental health
  • Risk of injury
  • Safety measures
  • Academic responsibilities
  • Participation
  • Unhealthy rivalries
  • Aggression
  • Sportsmanship
  • Jealousy
What to do next:
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