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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the process of making cheese.

The diagram below shows the process of making cheese.
The flow chart shows the way in which soft cheese
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 made for consumption.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are five stages
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in the whole soft cheese producing
process
Use synonyms
, beginning with mixing water and milk and ending with reducing the temperature of
product
Correct article usage
the product
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
, water and milk are mixed before transferring to
cooling
Correct article usage
the cooling
show examples
process
Use synonyms
. And, in the cooling
procees
Correct your spelling
process
 the temperature of
mixture
Correct article usage
the mixture
show examples
 is reduced to 5
Use synonyms
C
Correct your spelling
°C
 in two
hours
Use synonyms
. The next stage is heating
liquid
Correct article usage
the liquid
show examples
 to around 35
Use synonyms
C
Correct your spelling
°C
 within 6
hours
Use synonyms
 in order to ferment.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the mixture is transferred to
evaporation
Correct article usage
the evaporation
show examples
process
Use synonyms
, where the heat reaches
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
100
Use synonyms
C
Correct your spelling
°C
 in eight
hours
Use synonyms
. In the final stage, the thick liquid is cooled to around 5
Use synonyms
C
Correct your spelling
°C
 in around six
hours
Use synonyms
. After cooling the mixture, it is filtered
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 two
things
Check wording
parts
show examples
. The first filtering
process
Use synonyms
 is separating extra water,
while
Linking Words
 the next filter separates soft cheese , which is ready for consumption.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, c, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pasteurization
  • harmful bacteria
  • heated
  • specific temperature
  • optimal
  • enzyme
  • bacterial activity
  • starter cultures
  • rennet
  • fermentation process
  • lactose
  • lactic acid
  • curdle
  • curds and whey
  • cheesecloths
  • drained
  • settling
  • pressed
  • firmer texture
  • salting
  • preservative
  • packaged
  • distribution
  • aged
  • consumed fresh
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