IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many young people today leave their parents’ homes in rural areas to study or work in big cities. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 parents desire to give extraordinary knowledge
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their children. For
this
Linking Words
 decision, young
people
Use synonyms
 leave their
parent-house
Check wording
house to go
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 to far areas for studying or working in big cities . Surely, there are both pros and cons to
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 alone without having someone , but I believe
disadvantageous
Correct article usage
the disadvantageous
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 outweigh
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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. One of the main positive
or
Correct word choice
apply
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purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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of leaving
house
Check wording
home
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 is that young
humanity
Check wording
people
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 would not
do
Verb problem
obey their
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parent’s
Check wording
parents’
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 mandatory rules.
This
Linking Words
 is to say to get freedom .
For instance
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
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in a survey conducted by a
psychologists
Fix the agreement mistake
psychologist
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 in the USA, 70% of adults do not let their kids
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
midnight parties , sleep late or alter their choices for every action .
Moreover
Linking Words
, if young
people
Use synonyms
 left their
parent’s
Check wording
parents’
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 apartment
for studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
 or
attending
Wrong verb form
attend
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job
Correct article usage
a job
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. They can do
assignment
Correct article usage
an assignment
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for getting
Change preposition
to get
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 the finance without having a requirement from parents. Individual life for
branch
Correct article usage
a branch
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 of knowledge or occupation plays
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
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 role
for
Change preposition
in
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 earning money Meanwhile,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 population
forced
Verb problem
is forced
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 to study or assign with biting the bullet. They tend to work on
project
Correct article usage
a project
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 because finance plays
role
Correct article usage
a role
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 paying the bills
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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accommodation or spend half of
money
Correct article usage
the money
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for
Change preposition
on
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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fun with friends.
In addition
Linking Words
,
brain
Correct article usage
the brain
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 cannot provide all hard adaptations and it sets up stress,depression and
destroy
Correct subject-verb agreement
destroys
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 mental health. Working or studying at
empty
Correct article usage
an empty
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 house without having
Correct article usage
a cozy
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cozy
Use the right word
cosy
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 atmosphere with
clothe
Replace the word
clothing
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 membership
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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emotion
Check wording
apply
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as
Use the right word
a
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 feeling under the blue ,because
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
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accustomed
Verb problem
are accustomed
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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ready
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conversations with
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 father and mother.
For example
Linking Words
 , recent studies of
Esenov
Check wording
Esenov's
show examples
mental-psychology
Use the right word
mental psychology
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 have demonstrated that young
people
Use synonyms
 complain about living alone,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 leaving for a long period alone
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
Correct article usage
the
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young population
to be
Verb problem
apply
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introvert
Replace the word
introverted
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 and they do not
convey
Verb problem
interact
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 with others . Surrounded by immense pressure in the city affects them mentally . Another major disadvantage is
subordinate
Verb problem
being subordinate
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yourself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
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 working , because they need cash to pay
electricity
Change preposition
for electricity
show examples
 ,water consuming and gas usage. In conclusion , leaving the
parent
Replace the word
parental
show examples
house gives the young
people
Use synonyms
 more alter opportunities for adult life and experiments to know
how
Correct word choice
what
show examples
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
this
Linking Words
 to live alone and study far away from where
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 were born . At
present
Punctuation problem
present,
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 young
people
Use synonyms
 who live longer
phase
Fix the agreement mistake
phases
show examples
 alone have
faced
Verb problem
turned
show examples
 to music

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task
Answer the question directly in the first paragraph and state your view clearly.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea and give a clear reason or example.
coherence
Use simple links like and, but, also, because to show how ideas are linked.
coherence
Keep to one idea per paragraph and use pronouns to refer back.
content
There is an attempt to discuss both sides.
structure
There is a visible structure with intro, body, and conclusion, though weak.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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