IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many young people today leave their homes in rural areas to study or work in big cities. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation who live in their homes in rural areas tend to move
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
cities
Use synonyms
 to work or study. There is no absolute agreement as some
people
Use synonyms
 find going to the
cities
Use synonyms
 is
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 opportunity,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 consider everything associated with leaving townhomes negatively. Surely, there are both pros and cons of it, but I believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
. One of the main positives of chasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
goals in urban areas is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 open
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new doors and find excellent opportunities for self-growth.
For instance
Linking Words
, statistics illustrate residents
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more courses to go and they
all are
Correct word order
are all
show examples
 specific,which
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can not be said about villages, where lack of resources and qualified teachers is
counted as
Verb problem
considered
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal
life
Check wording
apply
show examples
. Another advantage is that as
many
Fix the agreement mistake
more
show examples
 friends, acquaintances
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
meet
Correct subject-verb agreement
meets
show examples
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 much their horizons are
broaden
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.
Example
Correct article usage
An example
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 of it is that
people
Use synonyms
 are
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
 resource to open new mindsets, way of thinking,
experiences
Correct word choice
and experiences
show examples
. Turning to the other side of the argument,
bare
Correct article usage
the bare
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 minimum of living there
much
Verb problem
is much
show examples
 more expensive than in villages.
For example
Linking Words
, accommodation and food prices are high
due to
Linking Words
 the demand. Another major disadvantage is that
people
Use synonyms
 may get depressed because of the feeling
loneliness
Change preposition
of loneliness
show examples
 without family or relatives. A great example here is that being distracted from
place
Correct article usage
the place
show examples
 person was born may lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
difficulties with adaptation, especially when
people
Use synonyms
 are not chatty or extroverted. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to a conclusion that
although
Linking Words
 moving on into the big
cities
Use synonyms
 can cause mental and financial problems, it is only for the first time,
Linking Words
additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
show examples
 it
Verb problem
is worths
show examples
worths
Replace the word
worth
show examples
Linking Words
due
Correct pronoun usage
it due
show examples
 to the fact that
cities
Use synonyms
 always give new opportunities and friends.

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task
State a clear view in the intro and keep it the same in the end.
task
Add specific and true examples, not guesses.
coherence
Use better links to show how ideas fit together.
language
Check grammar and fix big word errors.
coherence
End with a short, clear conclusion that repeats your view.
content
The essay shows a clear view that advantages may be strong.
structure
There is a basic shape with an intro, body and end.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Educational institutions
  • Job prospects
  • Wages
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural exchange
  • Overpopulation
  • Cost of living
  • Rural depopulation
  • Social isolation
  • Traditional values
  • Personal growth
  • Recreational activities
What to do next:
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