The family has a great influence on children development but the influence from outside the home play bigger part in children's likes. do you agree or disagree

It is often argued that
children
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are shaped not only by their families but
also
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by wider social influences. In my view, both factors play crucial roles, but their impact may be stronger at different stages of a child’s life.
To begin
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with, the family provides the first and most lasting influence on
children
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’s development. Parents act as role models, and youngsters usually adopt their attitudes, values, and manners through daily interaction at home.
For example
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, respect for others or a strong work ethic is usually instilled by parents long before
children
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enter school.
In addition
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, a supportive family environment gives
children
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emotional security and confidence, which are essential for healthy growth. Without
this
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foundation, many
children
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struggle to form stable relationships or cope with difficulties later in life.
On the other hand
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, external influences become increasingly significant as
children
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grow older. One powerful factor is peer groups. Friends often shape
children
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’s likes and dislikes, from the music they listen to, to the clothes they wear, and even the decisions they make about study or leisure. Another key influence is the media, including social networks, films, and advertisements. These channels create powerful images of success and lifestyle, which
children
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may try to imitate, sometimes even more eagerly than following parental guidance. In conclusion, the family plays an essential role in providing values and emotional stability,
while
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outside influences
such
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as peers and media strongly affect
children
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’s interests and choices.
Therefore
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, I believe both sources of influence are important, but their impact varies depending on the stage of development.

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Task response
Add a clear thesis statement in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
Content
Use more specific examples and explain how they support each point.
Coherence
Use smoother links within and between paragraphs; keep one main idea per paragraph.
Idea
Balanced view that considers both sides.
Structure
Clear structure with intro, body, and conclusion.
Coherence
Good use of linking phrases like 'on the other hand' and 'in conclusion'.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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