IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

A number of individuals argue that physical
strength
Use synonyms
 is more crucial than mental
strength
Use synonyms
 for sport. In my opinion, both are equally important.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives. On the one hand,
players
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
who have
show examples
 good physical
strength
Use synonyms
 enjoy several advantages over others.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they perform tasks easily that are difficult for others to do.
For instance
Linking Words
, having a tall player in your basketball team is a blessing.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Physical fitness directly correlates with agility, which helps in most sports.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, physical sports require stamina and endurance, the two necessary qualities for success.
Thus
Linking Words
, a physically fit player will automatically have an edge over others. So, in order to enjoy the game, physical
strength
Use synonyms
 is mandatory.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
players
Use synonyms
 having good thinking power can surpass other
players
Use synonyms
 easily. These
players
Use synonyms
 have the ability to judge the opponents' weak points.
This
Linking Words
 allows them to devise strategies to hunt the opposite team.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are many mind games that totally depend on a person's intelligence rather than physical
strength
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Chess is a popular game which absolutely depends on mental
strength
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 having a good physical body is beneficial, the mind
also
Linking Words
 has the same importance.
As a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 good physique without thinking power will take you nowhere
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 vice versa.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan with a two-part intro: state your view and list two ideas you will discuss.
content
Give more sport-based examples and link each idea to sport action or rules.
content
Avoid wide ideas that do not fit sport. Use examples like team play, games, training, or games used in sport.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Use a full stop at the end of a sentence and keep capital letters steady.
conclusion
End with a strong conclusion that restates your view and the main ideas.
content
A clear view is shown that both physical and mental strength can matter.
coherence
Link words help the flow between ideas.
content
Examples are used to illustrate points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical conditioning
  • athleticism
  • physical training
  • muscle strength
  • mental resilience
  • psychological preparedness
  • mental toughness
  • confidence
  • precision
  • focus
  • mental strategies
  • mental fortitude
  • brute strength
What to do next:
Look at other essays: