IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

There is a debate about the need for physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
. Some people argue that
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should offer
exercise
Use synonyms
 time to
students
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others insist that
students
Use synonyms
shouls
Correct your spelling
should
 focus on their academic studies rather than physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will give my opinion. On the one hand, some people believe that
students
Use synonyms
 need physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 every
school
Use synonyms
 day
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 I agree with. In modern society,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
exercise
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 is a serious problem.
This
Linking Words
 issue leads to some illnesses
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of physical strength and obesity.
Thus
Linking Words
, schools should
serve
Verb problem
provide
show examples
 an
exercise
Use synonyms
 programme for
students
Use synonyms
 to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illnesses.
In addition
Linking Words
,
physical
Correct article usage
a physical
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 programme at
school
Use synonyms
 is an
opportunuty
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 for
students
Use synonyms
 to learn how to
exercise
Use synonyms
 like right posture and rules
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 instructors or coaches
fo
Use the right word
for
show examples
 free or
low
Change preposition
at low
show examples
 cost.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
pysical
Correct your spelling
physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 has many benefits
besides
Linking Words
 these advantages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some people who insist
Use synonyms
students
Correct word choice
that students
show examples
 do not need
exercise
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
. Schools exist for academic studies
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 have to pay
attantion
Correct your spelling
attention
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 studies. If they want
Exercise
Use synonyms
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is enough after
school
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, physical
exercise
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 brings a lot of benefits for
students
Use synonyms
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 schools should
serve
Verb problem
incorporate
show examples
 it as a part of
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 day

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be clear in each paragraph with a main idea at the start and a short fact or example to back it up
coherence cohesion
Use simple links to show how ideas go together, and keep one idea per paragraph for easy reading
task response
The essay has an introduction that states the writer's view.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is used to rest the writer's view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: