IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that it is the best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There is a debate over who is responsible for teaching the youngest about a healthy lifestyle, with some saying
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 ought to take care to educate
children
Use synonyms
eat
Verb problem
to eat
show examples
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritionally
show examples
, others argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 might
Verb problem
have impact
show examples
impact more
Correct word order
more impact
show examples
 to teach their
children
Use synonyms
get
Verb problem
to get
show examples
knowlage
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 diet. In my opinion,
parents
Use synonyms
 may maintain a healthy lifestyle. At
school
Use synonyms
, young people with their peers could focus more seriously.
Parents
Use synonyms
 play an important role in their
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. It is commonly obvious that
children
Use synonyms
 tend to emulate
parents
Use synonyms
 more closely.
Todays
Check wording
Today's
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 youngest
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
higher
Rephrase
apply
show examples
addicted to
jang
Correct your spelling
junk
 foods. If
parents
Use synonyms
 give
more
Correct word order
them more
show examples
 knowledge
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct word order
apply
show examples
, they will deal with
this
Linking Words
 big issue .
For instance
Linking Words
, to contribute
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
healthy life from a young age,
parents
Use synonyms
 could promote it just making lunch boxes for
school
Use synonyms
 or making dinner together every day.
Therefore
Linking Words
,it is essential for
parents
Use synonyms
 to educate their
children
Use synonyms
 about proper nutrition from an early age.
While
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 want control of what their
children
Use synonyms
 eat, they spend much time at
school
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, schools should take responsibility for it. Educational institutions can teach
children
Use synonyms
 the importance of a balanced diet and a lifelong healthy diet.
For example
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 may sell only healthy meals and encourage them to eat more
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritionally
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
 ,
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 learning
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 may support youth in various ways, even better than mum and dad.
Although
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 may encourage them to live a healthy way , at
school
Use synonyms
 with their classmates and friends, they could be more effective.

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task
Plan a clear start and end. State your view in one line at the end. Make the two views clear in their own paragraph.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea and a small example. Use easy link words like 'and', 'but', 'so', 'however'.
language
Check spelling and word choice. Use simple words to keep the meaning clear.
grammar
Improve accuracy of facts and phrasing. Do not mix ideas.
structure
The essay shows a plan: talk about both sides and give a view.
examples
There is an effort to give examples (lunch boxes, dinner together).
coherence
Some use of connectors helps flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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