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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In many countries,
children
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 are taught some cultures that they can achieve anything as long as they work hard and persist in their
goals
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.
While
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this
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 message can bring various stress and unmet expectations, once
this
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 message can
also
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 boost negative mental and physical issues if they can not reach their expected
goals
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. On the one hand, from the advantageous prospects, if
children
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 receive a lot of support from their parents and teachers from a young age, it will boost their motivation and confidence to explore various kinds of knowledge.
For example
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,
children
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 are often curious about different industries
such
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 as mathematics, geography and astronomy. They can understand they are recognised and supported if they are told they can achieve anything, which really helps them concentrate on these industries and achieve good development and scores. In
this
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 way, when they grow up, some
children
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 will become good and professional mathematics teachers to teach the next generations with high passion.
On the other hand
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, from the disadvantageous aspects, when a child is always told they can achieve anything, it means he or she has to reach their
goals
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, which brings much stress. Once, when they put in a great deal of effort to accomplish their
goals
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, but ultimately fail,
this
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 will cause them to experience a strong sense of frustration and self-doubt.
Consequently
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,
this
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 will let them encounter mental health problems.
Besides
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, when they grow up to develop a romantic relationship with others and
then
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 face being rejected, some of them cannot accept
this
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 reality, which may lead them to commit crimes or even take their own lives. In summary, I hope people can not only support their
children
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 but
also
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 tell them the truth and reality to bravely face any failure when they educate
children
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 as individuals. Because success or failure is really common for each person.

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structure
Plan your answer before you write. Make a simple plan with two clear ideas for the good points and two for the bad points.
task
State a clear idea in one line at the start. This is your thesis.
examples
Give one clear example for each idea. Use easy, true ideas you know.
grammar
Make most sentences short and clear. Do not try to say too much in one sentence.
lexis
Use easy words. Avoid hard or long words.
tone
Be careful with very strong claims. If you write about bad outcomes, do not say they will surely happen.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are tied. For example, also, but, however, and as a result.
structure
End with a strong, clear conclusion that repeats the main plan.
idea
You try to cover both sides.
structure
You use clear sign of two sides with On the one hand and On the other hand.
conclusion
There is a good closing line that signals finish.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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