IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Children today spend too much time on electronic devices such as smartphones and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, many youngsters
shown
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 their excessiveness in smartphones and computers.
This
Linking Words
 condition will lead
numerous
Change preposition
to numerous
show examples
disanvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 for them in the future. Based on
this
Linking Words
 issue, I strongly agree they should reduce the screen times and construct a
healhy
Correct your spelling
healthy
 and balanced
lifestyles
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a
cellphone
Check wording
phone
show examples
 screens unleashed a dangerous radiation for human sight. Human eyes
unable
Verb problem
are unable
show examples
 to
tollerate
Correct your spelling
tolerate
 the UV (Ultra Violet)
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long period of time.
Although
Linking Words
 the manufacturer claimed their technology will be able to handle the UV
radiations
Fix the agreement mistake
radiation
show examples
, it still
emit
Correct subject-verb agreement
emits
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful radiation.
For Example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 Indonesia, there are some
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
lose
Correct pronoun usage
who lose
show examples
 their sight because of
an extreme
Correct word choice
excessive
show examples
 mobile phone
usages
Fix the agreement mistake
usage
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
youth
Use the right word
young
show examples
 people will
experiencing
Wrong verb form
experience
show examples
 a massive mental and physical disorder
due to
Linking Words
 over stimulations on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
screen time. Based health annual report in Indonesia, 2
from
Change preposition
out of
show examples
 5
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
facing
Verb problem
are facing
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health and motoric issues
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 playing video games
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 computers.
Thus
Linking Words
, some minors in major
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 in Singapore get
paralyzed
Change the spelling
paralysed
show examples
 after playing video games
along
Change preposition
at
show examples
 weekends.
Present - day
Use the right word
Present-day
show examples
 technologies
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
huge advantages for society,
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will harm the children in mental and physical aspects. The authorities should create a regulation and parents should
more
Verb problem
be more
show examples
 active
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 protecting their children from the
excesiveness
Correct your spelling
excessiveness
 of the electronic devices.

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structure
Your plan is clear but you should use a short intro, few body parts, and a short ending.
content
Check facts and use safe claims. Do not use wrong science about UV light in screens.
language
Fix word form and spell errors, and use simple grammar.
content
Your view is clear and you state it early.
structure
There are links that show a plan like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly'.
content
You give a reason for your view and a closing idea.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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