IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People spend more and more time browsing social networks. Is it a positive or negative development? Should anything be done to restrict children’s access to social networks? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Social
networks
Use synonyms
 have been playing an important part in human’s lifestyle for the past ten years
, people
Punctuation problem
. People
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 often use social
networks
Use synonyms
 to engage with others in the digital
world
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
. Such
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such
Linking Words
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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 made by technology
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 made more and more interaction from individuals
,
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the effect it has
made
Verb problem
had
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 on mankind. To clear
this
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 matter, social
networks
Use synonyms
 were not an essential part of human life before the
internet
Fix capitalization
Internet
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.
However
Linking Words
, it became important since the development of the
digital’s
Check wording
digital
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world
Use synonyms
, as people started to own more electronic devices.
This
Linking Words
 increases the amount of screen time used by individuals and decreases their
real life
Use the right word
real-life
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 activities that would not require any digital devices at all
, engaging
Punctuation problem
. Engaging
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 in the real
world
Use synonyms
 would benefit a person more
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 they could indulge in social activities and increase their connection with others physically. To make matters worse, children have
also
Linking Words
 been using social
networks
Use synonyms
 to communicate and connect with each other
,
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
Linking Words
 could be harmful to youngsters as they can receive misinformation from the internet
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 could change how they perceive their life. In my opinion, children should be advised by their guardians if they have the intention to use social
networks
Use synonyms
and
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, and
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 they must be monitored at all times. In conclusion, the rise of social
networks
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 is a double-edged sword
,
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;
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 people can be connected easily by the internet
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they can
also
Linking Words
 be disconnected from the real
world
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
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same
Correct article usage
The same
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 goes for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 they should not be exposed to social
networks
Use synonyms
 since they would be
no
Change preposition
of no
show examples
 benefit to them.

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task response
Your answer has a view, but it does not show more balanced notes about good and bad sides. Add more clear good and bad ideas and state your view more clearly.
coherence
Make a clear plan: start with a short aim in the intro, write two or three body parts with cause and effect, then end with a short recap of your view.
coherence
Each paragraph should have one big idea and some proof or detail. Link ideas with simple joining words such as also, but, and, then.
task response
Give a real example or small fact from life to back your point. This makes your point stronger.
content
The topic is clear and you show your view at the end.
structure
There is a try to show both sides and to give a plan to decide the view.
coherence
The flow of ideas goes from one idea to the next in some parts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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