IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that it is best to encourage children to have healty diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have healty diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is debate over who is responsible
to motivate
Change preposition
for motivating
show examples
 a child to follow
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet, with some saying teachers should encourage them
others
Punctuation problem
, others
show examples
 arguing it is a main responsibility of a parent. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
 teachers are great influencers, mothers ought to organise healthy
eat
Replace the word
eating
show examples
 opportunities. Educators should stimulate
students
Use synonyms
 to eat healthy foods . Because
students
Use synonyms
 spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 time at school,
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
requires
Verb problem
need to
show examples
 have breakfast and lunch at that place. In order to achieve
this
Linking Words
, in the canteen of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools have to provide beneficial meals
instead
Linking Words
 of junk foods or snacks for
children
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, healthy eating
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 will be more efficient in their studies. Parents are
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 characters, who are responsible for
nutritious
Correct article usage
the nutritious
show examples
 eating of their
children
Use synonyms
. As it mainly important activity in
Correct article usage
a minors
show examples
minors
Check wording
minor's
show examples
 life to grow healthy. If mothers prepare balanced food
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 from their childhood, healthful food in their lifestyle will develop as a habit.
Thus
Linking Words
, the role
parents
Change preposition
of parents
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 considerably vital in the physical health of
children
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, some
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
 need to encourage
students
Use synonyms
 to
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet,
while
Linking Words
 others
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 that parents are much more responsible
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
mindful
Correct article usage
the mindful
show examples
 eating of
children
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 mothers are mainly responsible for the balanced diet of
children
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Have a clear plan in the essay: intro, 2 body parts, and a short ending.
content
State both views well and give a clear view of what you think, with reasons.
content
Give one or two small examples or facts to back up your point.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas go from one to next (for example 'also', 'but', 'however').
language
Check spelling and spell common words like 'healthy' and 'diet'.
content
Opinion is shown.
structure
Both views are tried.
coherence
Some good use of linking words.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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