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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electricalappliances and amount of time spent doing housework inhouseholds in one country between 1920 and 2019

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electricalappliances and amount of time spent doing housework inhouseholds in one country between 1920 and 2019
The pie charts illustrate the variations in terms of the proportions of households with three electrical appliances and how much time households spent each week from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the usage percentage of the household washing
machine
Use synonyms
,
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner increased constantly over the period of
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
 years.
By contrast
Linking Words
, people spent less and less time on
house work
Use the right word
housework
show examples
. With regard to the electrical appliances, in 1920,
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 almost never made use of the
refrigerator
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the proportions of the washing
machine
Use synonyms
 and the
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner were 30% and 40%, respectively.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the share of the
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 witnessed a
significantly
Replace the word
significant
show examples
 growth, at 90% by 1960. Meanwhile, the proportions of the
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner kept up with that of the washing
machine
Use synonyms
, reaching 70%. Notably, the proportion of the
refrigerator
Use synonyms
 reached the plateau at 100% in
1980
Punctuation problem
1980,
show examples
 followed by the
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 peaked at 100% in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
washing
Use synonyms
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 experienced a
slightly
Replace the word
slight
show examples
 decline and
then
Linking Words
 rose again from 1960 to 2019. In terms of the figure of hours of housework each week, people allocated 50 hours
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it per week in 1920. The time spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 housework decreased dramatically by 1960 (20%) and
then
Linking Words
 descended slightly by 2019 (10%).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words machine, refrigerator, vacuum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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