IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

After graduation many students take a year to travel. Some think that it would be more useful to work for a year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's day and age, there has been an increase in the trend of taking a
gap
Use synonyms
 after graduation, by students before enrolling for higher education.
This
Linking Words
 leads to an increasingly controversial question
,
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 whether
this
Linking Words
gap
Use synonyms
 should be used to travel or to work in a company. I agree with the latter situation
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the former because it helps children to gain some
real life
Use the right word
real-life
show examples
 experience and
also
Linking Words
 provides them
aid
Change preposition
with aid
show examples
 to manage their finances. One noticeable advantage of doing vocational work by the students during the
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 how it develops the skills in them, which they can implement in the later stages of their lives.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it provides them with a practical experience of working in
professional
Correct article usage
a professional
show examples
 environment and
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
show examples
 with
real life
Use the right word
real-life
show examples
 challenges, which,
on the other hand
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
will enhance their communication skills
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and teach them about
team work
Use the right word
teamwork
show examples
 and its value.
For example
Linking Words
, most of the companies prefer hiring candidates
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who have
soft-skills
Use the right word
soft skills
show examples
along with
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
academic certifications and
this
Linking Words
 experience of a previous job can help a person
stand-out
Use the right word
stand out
show examples
 from other candidates.
Secondly
Linking Words
, working during the break of one
year
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 helps an individual to manage the budget for their future studies. Most of the students drop out after graduation because of the higher expenses of the post-graduate courses,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are unaffordable to them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Taking
Fix capitalization
taking
show examples
 a job and earning for
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
year
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 would aid an individual to gather the required funds, in order for them to continue their educational
pursuite
Correct your spelling
pursuit
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, children are aware of how their money will be allocated and can actively avoid strain on their financial budget. Conclusively, taking a job during the
gap
Use synonyms
year
Use synonyms
 after graduation has more benefits than just travelling around the world. It can help a teenager gain practical knowledge about
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 environment.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 teaches them the importance of managing
budget
Correct pronoun usage
their budget
show examples
 and finances to continue their education.

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Fix many grammar mistakes and make sentences clear. Use short, simple lines.
coherence
Use a topic sentence for each paragraph and keep one idea in each paragraph.
content
Give more precise and stronger examples. Explain how the point helps to show work skill.
spelling
Check spelling of words like pursuit and other errors.
grammar
Try to vary how you start sentences and avoid long run on lines.
task response
The stance is clear and the write up has a flow of ideas.
coherence
Link words such as Firstly, Secondly, and In conclusion help show structure.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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