IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is sometimes thought that people who travel outside of their own country are more tolerant and understanding of others. To what extent do you agree?

The society has changed greatly, and
this
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 includes their thoughts.
People
Use synonyms
 may think that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad and being exposed to other cultures
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 can make them more understanding and accepting of
others
Use synonyms
. I completely disagree with that idea.
This
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 essay will provide evidence to support my point of view.
First,
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I think that there is no need to travel to other countries to be able to
mix
Use synonyms
 with other nationalities. You can live in your own country and
mix
Use synonyms
 with
people
Use synonyms
 from different backgrounds.
For example
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,
her
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in Kuwait
there
Punctuation problem
, there
show examples
 are more than one hundred and forty nationalities who
satteled
Correct your spelling
settled
 down in
this
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 tiny country. I personally deal with
non Kuwaitis
Use the right word
non-Kuwaitis
show examples
 on a daily basis at my work, without the need
of traveling
Change preposition
to travel
show examples
.
Also
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, I'm definitely sure that anyone can
her
Use the right word
here
show examples
 can
mix
Use synonyms
 with foreigners not just at work, but
also
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out side
Use the right word
outside
show examples
 their work environment
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 malls and gyms.
In addition
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, I believe that travelling won't have the ability to make anyone more tolerant and understanding
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
others
Use synonyms
.
Such
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behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 mainly on your own personality and character.
For instance
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, I used to know
people
Use synonyms
 who lived abroad for a
Capule
Correct your spelling
couple
 of years and they still lack the ability
of accepting
Change preposition
to accept
show examples
 and
dealing
Wrong verb form
deal
show examples
 with
people
Use synonyms
 from other cultures and religions. I agree that the skill of understanding
others
Use synonyms
 is gained at a young age and influenced by the environment
one's have
Wrong verb form
one has
show examples
 grown up
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
. If you have lived in an acceptable and friendly community, you would have definitely gained those
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are several reasons that support my opinion that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 won't be able to make
any
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 more understanding
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
others
Use synonyms
. It is obvious that anyone can
mix
Use synonyms
 with other nationalities
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 country.
Also
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, the community ones
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 grown up will affect the
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
show examples
of accepting
Change preposition
to accept
show examples
others
Use synonyms
 and
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
show examples
 them.

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planning
Make your central idea clear at once with a strong, direct thesis.
structure
Put one main idea in each paragraph and start with a clear topic sentence.
grammar
Use simple, correct grammar; fix misspells that pull the reader away.
content
Give examples that clearly show your point and link them to your main idea.
coherence
Keep your view steady and do not move your mind from one side to the other.
position
The view is clear: travel alone is not the main path to tolerance.
content
The writer uses real life examples from work life.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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