IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. What problems do it creates? How could this situation be improved?

A lot of small, indigenous
shops
Use synonyms
 are being forced to shut down as they are unable to compete with the larger markets in the area.
This
Linking Words
 results in problems like unemployment
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and reduced consumer choice.
However
Linking Words
, these problems can be overcome by providing subsidies and for the native people
to
Verb problem
apply
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use different strategies. The chief problem
,
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 associated with
this
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 is job losses. When the local
shops
Use synonyms
 are forced to shut down , the people running the
shops
Use synonyms
turn
Verb problem
become
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 jobless.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are unable to provide for their families or themselves.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the profits the larger supermarkets make are not usually spent on improving the economy of the local area.
However
Linking Words
, subsidies can be provided to these small-scale
shops
Use synonyms
 by the government. By using the subsidies, they will be able to expand and improve their reach and facilities. Pakistan
,
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 had once adopted
this
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 method to keep the small businesses alive in the northern regions (Muree and Gilgit Baltistan) Another problem that will arise is the reduction of consumer choice. Many local markets offer unique commodities, and if these markets fail to keep up,
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
this
Linking Words
 merchandise will be lost.
Moreover
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,
this
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 reduced competition will make the large-scale supermarkets complacent , resulting in
lower quality
Use the right word
lower-quality
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 goods being sold.
This
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 can be tackled by using new approaches. The native people can diversify their products to appeal to more customers, after which analysis can be done to see which merchandise was most sold and
then
Linking Words
 focus on producing that good. In conclusion, the imbalance between large and small-scale
shops
Use synonyms
 is resulting in job losses and a reduction in the variety of merchandise. But,
this
Linking Words
 can be prevented by adopting new approaches and by the endorsement of the government.

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task response
Make your answer start with a clear view of the task and then list two problems and a fix; keep ideas tight and only include main points.
coherence cohesion
Link ideas with clear words and group them. Use words like also, but, however, for example to show how ideas fit.
task response
Give one or two strong, easy examples. Explain how each fix will help the people and town. Use simple facts, not too many.
content
The essay shows the problem of job loss and less choice.
structure
There is a closing idea that repeats the main view.
ideas
Some idea of fix, like subsidies and mixing ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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