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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about how many Europeans citizens of different age groups who frequently went to gym between 1990 and 2010.

The chart below gives information about how many Europeans citizens of different age groups who frequently went to gym between 1990 and 2010.
The line graph compares the four
age
Use synonyms
 groups of European
people
Use synonyms
 who regularly went to
Use synonyms
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 in 1990 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it was clear that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 of 24-33
years
Use synonyms
 old were the major group
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
gym
Use synonyms
. The youngest
age
Use synonyms
 had significantly changed during the two decades. Both
34
Correct article usage
the 34
show examples
-43
years
Use synonyms
 old and
44
Correct article usage
the 44
show examples
-53
years
Use synonyms
 old were the lowest percentage attending the
gym
Use synonyms
. In 1990, the teenagers and the dominant
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force had a similar proportion
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 16%, which
increased
Verb problem
continued
show examples
 the same trend in the next four
years
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the
middle
Use the right word
middle-aged
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 and the elderly remained relatively stable until 1994. From 1996 to 2010, the
age
Use synonyms
between
Check wording
group between
show examples
 24 and 33 rose drastically from 20% to 26%, which was
also
Linking Words
 the primary group to participate in the
gym
Use synonyms
. The youngest
people
Use synonyms
 who went to the
gym
Use synonyms
 climbed rapidly, reaching a peak of 25% in 2006
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 it declined slightly, with 18% in 2010.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
34
Correct determiner usage
those 34
show examples
-43
years
Use synonyms
 old obviously grew, at 10%. The older
people
Use synonyms
 maintained the same level during
this
Linking Words
 period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, people, gym, years with synonyms.
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