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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that educational standards have declined in recent times, particularly in the areas of literacy and numeracy. Discuss the causes of this problem and offer some possible solutions to it.

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In recent years, individual's academic abilities have undergone a severe degradation, particularly in the fields of linguistics and mathematics. Numerous studies suggest that
this
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 trend is mainly
due to
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 the advancement of technology.
Nevertheless
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, there are still some ways to tackle the issue.
To begin
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 with, the improvement of technology truly poses a threat to learning. First of all, the spread of social media platforms
such
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 as Instagram has culminated in reduced study time and decreased concentration. To illustrate, a notable study conducted by Korea University revealed that minors who scrolled through social media more than 3 hours a day showed 4 times lower focus skills compared to those who did not search through the internet.
In addition
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, newly emerged technology
such
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 as Chat GPT deters students from finishing their daily tasks on their own as it suggests numerous possible answers promptly.
For example
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, when using Chat GPT, people never engaged in learning actively.
Instead
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, they thoughtlessly handle their assignments and
thus
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, struggle
achieving
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to achieve
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 educational success.
However
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, there are potential solutions to alleviate the problem.
First,
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governments should attract investments in education.
For example
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, extended after-school programs benefit adolescents in cultivating language and math abilities.
Moreover
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, the budget can be allocated to promoting informative videos and textbooks.
Secondly
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, parents should impose caps on their children using electric devices too much. It is evident that the more juveniles spend time
on
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apply
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searching the internet, the more they become addicted to it. In conclusion, nowadays, more students are experiencing decreased educational standards.
Although
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 there are several factors in
this
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 trend, there are
also
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 some measures to address the issue.
Hence
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, governmental schemes for increased investment and parental care over their child are needed.

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task achievement
In the area of task achievement, ensure a complete response by fully addressing all parts of the prompt. Extend your discussion on the causes and solutions by including a wider variety of examples and deeper analysis. This will help in presenting clear, comprehensive ideas that thoroughly answer the question.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, make use of a range of cohesive devices beyond 'first', 'secondly', and 'for example'. Experiment with synonyms and varied sentence structures to improve flow. Additionally, ensure that paragraphs are balanced in terms of content and length to maintain logical progression.
supported main points
To further refine your essay, focus on enhancing the depth and specificity of your examples. While the examples given are relevant, adding more detailed information and statistics could strengthen your arguments. This approach not only supports your main points but also showcases your ability to engage with the topic critically.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Numeracy
  • Literacy
  • Standardized testing
  • Economic disparities
  • Inequality
  • Underprivileged communities
  • Immediate gratification
  • Foundational subjects
  • Professional development
  • Holistic approach
  • Comprehensive reforms
  • Socio-economic background
  • Engaged
  • Traditional methods
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