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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
The line graph below
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the average
of
Check wording
number of
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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in
Change preposition
to
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 Caribbean
Use synonyms
Island
Fix the agreement mistake
Islands
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during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2010 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of tourists tended to
be rose
Wrong verb form
rise
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up
Change preposition
apply
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from
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
2010 to 2017.
While
Linking Words
 the average
of
Check wording
number of
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a cruise ship was higher
level
Check wording
apply
show examples
than
people
Use synonyms
 living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
island
Use synonyms
 over the period from 2010 to 2016, there was
opposite
Correct word choice
a lower
show examples
 level in the rest of the period. There was a significant growth
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
tourists
Change preposition
of tourists
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 who visited a Caribbean
Island
Use synonyms
 between 2010 and
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
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 approximately two million
people
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the average between 2014and 2016 remained
steadily
Replace the word
steady
show examples
, the alteration occurred
went
Correct word choice
and went
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 up dramatically for the rest of the year around three
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 There was a
fluctuation
Correct word choice
slight fluctuation
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 slightly for the
number
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
visitors
Change preposition
of visitors
show examples
 staying on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the year. After 2012, most
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
trended
Use the right word
tended
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 to prefer staying on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can be
noticeable
Correct word choice
seen in
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of tourists staying on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 increased significantly over the rest of the period.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the level of
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 who prefer
stayed
Wrong verb form
to stay
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 on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 was fewer
number
Use synonyms
 compared to staying on
cruise
Correct article usage
a cruise
show examples
 between 2010 and 2016
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 there was a decrease
visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on cruise
ship
Fix the agreement mistake
ships
show examples
just
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
 over a million
people
Use synonyms
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 2016 to 2017.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, island, number, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • trough
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • steady increase
  • sharp decline
  • seasonal variation
  • cruise ship visitors
  • island stay visitors
  • economic impact
  • environmental impact
  • tourism industry
  • sustainable tourism
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