IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to take care of themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that younger family
members
Use synonyms
 are responsible lawfully for supporting elder family
members
Use synonyms
 who are incapable physically, mentally and financially to look after themselves. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea
due to
Linking Words
 some compelling reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most young
people
Use synonyms
 struggle to find a job and to be financially independent.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
youngers
Use the right word
young people
show examples
 who have
partner
Correct article usage
a partner
show examples
 and children have difficulty finding a job and supporting themselves.
Hence
Linking Words
, imposing a compulsory obligation on young
people
Use synonyms
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of their parents not only restricts their freedom but
also
Linking Words
 creates extra stress and pressure on them.
As a result
Linking Words
, both young
people
Use synonyms
 feel emotionally insufficient in their life and parents may feel upset
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 they are a burden to their children.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 sometimes need professional medical and psychological
care
Use synonyms
, and family
members
Use synonyms
 may not be qualified to provide
this
Linking Words
 to them.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
 of older family
members
Use synonyms
 should be
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsibility
show examples
 of governments within the scope of a social state.
Consequently
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,
instead
Linking Words
 of
enforcing for
Verb problem
encouraging
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 to support their old relatives, the government should provide professional help to elderly citizens in terms of free or affordable fees.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many countries, states fund healthcare services
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 nursing or community health programs
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 take the burden off young family
member’s
Check wording
members’
show examples
 shoulders. In conclusion, elderly individuals often require
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
show examples
 medical and psychological
care
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, ensuring their well-being should remain the responsibility of the government. Considering these compelling
reasons
Punctuation problem
reasons,
show examples
 I strongly disagree that young family
members
Use synonyms
 ought to be legally obliged to
care
Use synonyms
 for older relatives who are unable to look after themselves physically, mentally, or financially.

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task achievement
Make your main idea clear in each paragraph and add specific details to support it.
coherence
Use clear links between sentences to improve flow.
language
Check grammar and use simple, correct words to avoid mistakes.
content
Clear stance against the idea with a strong view.
structure
Use of signpost phrases to guide reader.
content
Gives a policy solution and real-world example.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Legally binding
  • Ethical obligation
  • Morally responsible
  • Familial duty
  • Financial burden
  • Public healthcare
  • Social services
  • Undue strain
  • Emotional toll
  • Resentment
  • Deteriorate relationships
  • Caretakers
  • Community support
  • Government programs
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