IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinio

Some
people
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 are of the view that modern
technology
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 is encouraging
people
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 to socialise.
On the other hand
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, others suggest it is making them less sociable. I agree with the former view, as modes of communication are readily available,
although
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 it has its drawbacks, like a lack of willingness to connect. The obvious benefit of
technology
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 advancements is the new social media apps. Apps like Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat can be accessed anywhere and anytime, provided there is an internet connection.
For instance
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, during the Coronavirus pandemic, social media enabled
people
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 to interact with each other no matter where they were.
This
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 encourages them to communicate with each other , no matter where they are located.
This
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 encourages
people
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 to socialise with one another.
Furthermore
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, there are different methods of communication in these apps, varying from text to voice call to video call. Even games have a multiplayer feature, which indirectly forces you to communicate with your teammates to reach your goals.
However
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, with modern
technology
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, there has been an increasing trend to stay at home during free time rather than go outside and socialise.
This
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 approach
also
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 makes it impossible for
people
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 to connect with each other. We can see globally that kids of
this
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 newer generation prefer to stay indoors and play games rather than go play outdoors. In conclusion,
although
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 modern
technology
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 can reduce the willingness to communicate, I think that the abundant modes of communication that are readily available with
technology
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 make it easier to communicate.

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structure
Plan the essay with three parts: view 1, view 2, your own view.
task
Give more on both sides, not just one.
cohesion
Use more linking words to show contrast and connect ideas.
examples
Add more strong examples with numbers or facts.
grammar
Check small grammar and word use, like articles and plural forms.
paragraphing
Keep one idea in each paragraph and make a clear link from one idea to the next.
stance
The essay shows a clear stance in favour of the first view.
content
A real life example (Covid period) is used to show a point.
cohesion
There is a good use of contrast words to show opposite ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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