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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the number of international students enrolled in three different majors (Engineering, Business, and Arts) at a UK university from 2000 to 2020.

The line graph below shows the number of international students enrolled in three different majors (Engineering, Business, and Arts) at a UK university from 2000 to 2020.
The line graph illustrates the number of abroad
students
Use synonyms
 studying in three different majors
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 one of the United Kingdom
universities
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the majority of abroad
students
Use synonyms
studies
Correct subject-verb agreement
study
show examples
Business
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 Arts is the least
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
.
Business
Use synonyms
 showed a sharp
increase
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and 2010, rising from 1500 to 4000
students
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 a gradual
increase
Use synonyms
 occurred before reaching its peak in 2020. Despite the significant
increase
Use synonyms
 in
business
Use synonyms
, Arts experienced a low audience, as it
got
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 stable at 12000
students
Use synonyms
 between 2010 and 2020, before a
steadily
Replace the word
steady
show examples
increase
Use synonyms
 in 2020
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, international
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 studying engineering faced a stable
increase
Use synonyms
, rising from 10000 to 30000 in just two decades, being the second highest
students
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 major.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Business
Use synonyms
 has the
most
Correct word choice
largest
show examples
 crowd
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
among the other majors.
While
Linking Words
 Engineering
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 between them.
Finally
Linking Words
, Arts stood in the
last
Linking Words
 step with a huge difference in the number of
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, business, increase with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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