Advertising aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the contemporary era,
children
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are exposed to a diversity of advertising, and there are evident advantages that have been brought.
However
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, there are some existing concerns about
this
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issue, and some people assert that advertisements should be prohibited. I believe that the advertising context should be taken into consideration
while
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judging. On the one hand, ubiquitous advertising may facilitate consumerism among
children
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. Stemming from the fact that
children
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are not capable of resisting temptations and have less judgment, they are at high risk of being attracted and cheated.
For instance
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, some toy or snack-related advertisements at railway stations are mainly oriented to
children
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, with attractive pictures and slogans.
Therefore
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,
due to
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curiosity and childishness, kids will persuade their parents to purchase them.
This
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practice promotes consumerism and leads to unbalanced diet habits if they have excessive intake, thereby resulting in tooth cavities and obesity, which will have a vast negative effect on
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children’s
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health status.
On the other hand
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, supporters of advertising may find merit in widening
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children’s
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perspectives. Some advertising,
such
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as cars and artificial intelligence, leaves a positive motivation for
children
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to encourage their creativity and problem-solving abilities. One good example is ChatGPT; its intellectual functions of
analyzing
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analysing
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data and generating photos contribute to
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children’s
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awareness of advanced technology.
As a result
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,
children
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are becoming active in exploring technologies, and their technological literacy is going to be facilitated, which means they have other alternatives to promote task efficiency.
Moreover
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, obtaining skills in technology expands their repertoire of software capacity and improves their productivity in future workplaces. In conclusion, advertising is
such
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a double-edged sword, whether for
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children’s
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spiritual world or physical health. I believe that with reasonable allocations and supervision of advertising,
children
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can enjoy healthy advertisements in harmony.

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task response
Make your view clearer in the first and last part. State your position strong, and restate it in the end.
coherence
Add more simple and direct links between ideas. This helps the flow from one point to the next.
grammar
Some phrases are long or odd. Use shorter, simple sentences and check grammar.
structure
Clear start and end
content
Balanced view with both sides
content
Some good examples used
Topic Vocabulary:
  • behave
  • better
  • punished
  • rewarded
  • believe
  • effective
  • arguing
  • immediately
  • unwanted
  • fear
  • pain
  • good
  • actions
  • praise
  • treated
  • learn
  • positive
  • feedback
  • happy
  • feel
  • repeat
  • future
  • create
  • problems
  • rather
  • learn
  • wrong
  • caught
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