IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of private-health care outweigh the advantages?

Many
people
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 are of the view that medical amenities should not be
privatized
Change the spelling
privatised
show examples
, as it leads to higher
prices
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 of services and a lack of transparency.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach has its benefits, like increased efficiency or expanded consumer choice, I think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. The obvious disadvantages of the
privatization
Change the spelling
privatisation
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 of the health sector are the higher
prices
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. A lot of these
companies
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 are profit-driven, and in order to maximise profit, the merchandise they produce will be sold at higher
prices
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. These
prices
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 make it quite difficult for
people
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 to access these services.
For instance
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, during the Coronavirus pandemic,
initially
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, the vaccines made available by the profit-making
companies
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 were too expensive for normal
people
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 to buy. In some cases, the desire to make profits is so extreme that the quality of amenities is reduced to appeal to the lower-class
people
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. These services are not properly tested and, in turn, can harm the public. Another limitation of
this
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 trend is the lack of disclosure. With the
privatization
Change the spelling
privatisation
show examples
, the essential information that
people
Use synonyms
 could access through government-run sectors is no longer available.
This
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 can lead to
people
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 having less trust in the company, as the contracts they sign
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
prices
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 they will set are all done behind closed doors.
This
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 unpredictability increases the frustration and reduces the trust of the public.
However
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, there are some advantages to
this
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 method. Since there will be different profit-making
companies
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 with the same goal, the production rates of the goods.
This
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 result is a more productive use of resources compared to a government-owned enterprise.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 the competition between these
companies
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, there will be a wide array of choices for consumers. These
companies
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in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 order to stand out from each other, will come up with different products.
As a result
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, more
people
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 have access to these products. In conclusion,
while
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 moving health amenities to the private sector can increase production and provide various options for consumers, it can
also
Linking Words
 lead to a reduction in quality and monopoly risks.
Therefore
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, I believe the limitations are just too significant to ignore.

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task-response
Be clear in your view from the start and keep it. Give one clear example for each big point.
coherence
Make each paragraph hold one main idea. Use simple links to move from one idea to the next.
language
Fix long or mixed sentences. Use short, clear lines.
stance
Clear view on the topic.
cohesion
Good use of linking words such as However and In conclusion.
content
The argument covers both sides.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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