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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children speand a long time each day on their smartphones. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

There is no denying the fact that more and more
children
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 are using smart devices every day.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon and explain why
this
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 is a negative trend.
To begin
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 with, it is a well-known fact that
smartphones
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 are designed to make users spend as much
time
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 as possible on their phones.
For example
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, apps like YouTube are programmed with technological enhancements.
This
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 means that when someone looks for topics that interest them, over
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time
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time,
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 the app will suggest videos related to their preferences.
This
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 can make
children
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 spend very long hours on these apps without feeling bored.
In addition
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, the absence of supervision is another reason for
such
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 a trend.
In other words
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, parents play an important role in shaping their child's routine;
therefore
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, if both parents are busy with work, it is more likely for kids to spend a huge amount of their
time
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 on
smartphones
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.
This
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 indicates the crucial part guardians play in forming a child's habits. Despite the enjoyment produced by the apps,
this
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 essay believes that addiction has many negative impacts on offspring's personal lives. It is possible to say that spending a long
time
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setting
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sitting
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 in front of screens can lead to a lack of physical activity.
Such
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 behaviour can prevent
children
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 from going outdoors and
engage
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engaging
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 in playing sports, like football and bike riding.
Moreover
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, allocating most of their
time
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 to electronic devices can influence their social relationships.
For example
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, many studies have shown that kids who spend
long
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a long
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time
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 on
smartphones
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 are more prone to loneliness.
This
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over
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, over
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time
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, might lead to depression and psychological diseases. In conclusion, there are many negative consequences for
children
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 who spend a long
time
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 on their
smartphones
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. The parent have to restrict their usage to avoid addiction, which can affect the future of their
children
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.

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strength
Your view is clear that phone use is not good. Keep this in mind in each paragraph.
structure
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Start with a short sentence that shows the idea, then add a small fact or example.
content
Add more detail to each reason. Explain more how it starts and why it hurts the child.
language
Use short and easy words. Fix long or hard phrases. Check the grammar.
conclusion
End with a short, strong sentence that repeats your view and what to do.
content
Clear view against too much screen time.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
cohesion
Some linking words connect ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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