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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the class size of four states of Australia.

The charts below show the class size of four states of Australia.
The diagrams compare the number of
students
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
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 the four
Australian
Use synonyms
 states, which are
Use synonyms
Australian
Correct article usage
the Australian
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 Capital
Territory
Use synonyms
, Western
Australia
Use synonyms
, New South
Wales
Use synonyms
 and
last
Linking Words
 one is South
Australia
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are a number of significant alterations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the charts
divided
Verb problem
are divided
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 into four categories
:
Punctuation problem
:
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 20
students
Use synonyms
 or fewer, 26-30, 21-25, and more than 30
students
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
.
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For instance
Linking Words
, about 2 in 4
Australian
Use synonyms
 states, including the
Australian
Use synonyms
 Capital
Territory
Use synonyms
 and Western
Use synonyms
Australia
Punctuation problem
Australia,
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 have the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of pupils
among
Change preposition
between
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 21-25.
While
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
Australian
Use synonyms
 Capital
Use synonyms
territory
Fix capitalization
Territory
show examples
indicates
Rephrase
also indicates
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 that more than 30
students
Use synonyms
 make up a minority. Observing the graphs in detail,the
Australian
Use synonyms
 Capital
Territory
Use synonyms
 and Western
Australia
Use synonyms
 include between 21 and 25
students
Use synonyms
, accounting for 51% and 43% respectively. But
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Western
Australia
Use synonyms
 dominates more
about
Change preposition
than
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 2% among 26-30 compared to the
Australian
Use synonyms
 Capital
Territory
Use synonyms
, making up 29%.
Then
Linking Words
, the
Australian
Use synonyms
 Capital
Territory
Use synonyms
 illustrates 20% with 20
students
Use synonyms
 or fewer
,
Punctuation problem
;
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in contrast
Linking Words
, Western
Australia
Use synonyms
 represents 25%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Western
Australia
Use synonyms
 covers 1% more
students
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, about
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about
Change preposition
with
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 more than 30
students
Use synonyms
compared
Punctuation problem
, compared
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 to
Westren
Correct your spelling
Western
Australia
Use synonyms
, accounting for 3% and 2%.
According to
Linking Words
 New South
Wales
Use synonyms
,
demonstrates
Correct pronoun usage
it demonstrates
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 40% with 20 pupils or fewer ,
while
Linking Words
 South
Australia
Use synonyms
 makes up
fewer
Correct word choice
apply
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about 10%,
which is
Verb problem
or
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 30%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, New South
Wales
Use synonyms
 has 30% with 21-25, 23% with
this
Linking Words
 category in South
Australia
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 South
Australia
Use synonyms
 sees a substantial rise among 26-30, representing 44%.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, New South
Wales
Use synonyms
 shows 27%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, South
Australia
Use synonyms
 and New South
Wales
Use synonyms
 remain equally
about
Change preposition
at about
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 3% with more than 30
students
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, australian, territory, australia, wales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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