IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is somewhat beneficial,
while
Linking Words
 others hold
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opposite
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 and put
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
stong
Use the right word
strong
show examples
 emphasis on the significance of cooperation. As for me, I am of the opinion that we are supposed to collaborate with classmates and
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
. Both perspectives and my own opinion will be illustrated as follows. For starters, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that competition is beneficial to their working or academic performances. Competitions make
people
Use synonyms
 feel responsible for their own assignments, so that they have a higher
liklihood
Correct your spelling
likelihood
 to concentrate on their work. The more
people
Use synonyms
 focus, the more efficiently the works are done. After all, students can get higher
grading
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
, and workers may get complimented by their managers, or even
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others perceive collaboration as the most prominent catalyst to become successful on
getting
Verb problem
achieving
show examples
 exceptional working or academic performances.
People
Use synonyms
 who cooperate more with their classmates and
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 can have
more
Correct word choice
a greater
show examples
 sense of belonging to the class or the company, which may enhance
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social cohesion. Once they all feel accountable for a team project, the productivity will be
ameliorated
Verb problem
improved
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 their concerted
endeavors
Change the spelling
endeavours
show examples
. Compared with the two aforementioned perspectives, I hold a strong and unwavering conviction that cooperation is a better solution to have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eminent performance and get praised by parents, teachers, or managers. The reason is that I believe
malicioius
Correct your spelling
malicious
 competition is inevitable for the first case. Classmates and
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 will become
distrust
Replace the word
distrustful
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 each other, and they will
be not
Correct word order
not be
show examples
 willing to exchange information with others, which may lead to inefficiency in return.
Hence
Linking Words
, I consider the benefits of cooperation should be more underscored, developing a promising business culture and an amicable academic atmosphere.

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development
Show clear, full ideas for each view with a real example to make your point strong.
language
Fix spell and word errors and make short, simple sentences.
structure
Use smooth links between parts, not too long jumps.
conclusion
End with a short, clear final view that ties back to the first part.
organisation
Stay on one main idea in each paragraph to keep a clean line.
strength
You show a clear view that cooperation is your main aim.
strength
You need both sides and you end with a view, which fits the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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