IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Social networking sites have become the norm in the 21st century, with the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 using social
media
Use synonyms
 in some shape or form. I agree with the opinion that social networking sites have adverse and negative impacts on both individuals and society. I will explain my justification. The
information
Use synonyms
 age is one of the most
polarizing
Change the spelling
polarising
show examples
 ages and times in the history of humanity. The power to access
information
Use synonyms
, learn new things and connect with new
people
Use synonyms
 is exciting and is a leap in human interaction and globalisation of cultures on
this
Linking Words
 planet. With
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 we are facing a new challenge of
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 impacts of social networking on not just the new generation but the older generations as well. With social networking being accessible to anyone and everyone, it was
initially
Linking Words
 developed to connect with new
people
Use synonyms
 and the ones you already know. With the rise in social
media
Use synonyms
 influencers comes a challenge of monitoring these accounts and
monitoring
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the content they put out to watch. With unrestricted and unverified access to these
platforms
Use synonyms
, young children at an impressionable age will be exposed to the unrealistic lifestyle and the idea of being perfect all the time.
This
Linking Words
 can cause mental health issues and body dysmorphia in young audiences. These
platforms
Use synonyms
 rarely have the correct verification systems in place to identify
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
users
Check wording
users'
show examples
 age
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
also
Linking Words
 leads to the dangerous problem of grooming, manipulating and criminal stalking of the young
people
Use synonyms
 using the platform.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the proliferation of misinformation might lead to divisive narratives and
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cause social unrest amongst a community. The rise in cyberbullying, racism, hate speech and rapid spreading of false
information
Use synonyms
 poses a real threat to undermine institutions, fuel unrest in
people
Use synonyms
 and can lead to criminal activities in the real world
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may cause harm to an innocent human being.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it is important to acknowledge that these
platforms
Use synonyms
 do have their place in
this
Linking Words
 world. Social networking provides us with an opportunity to connect with new
people
Use synonyms
 or rekindle our old relationships with
people
Use synonyms
 from our past. They
also
Linking Words
 help in keeping up with a distant family member or friend.
Besides
Linking Words
, these channels have democratized access to
information
Use synonyms
 and knowledge, empowering individuals to express their perspectives, share their values and participate in public discourse. In conclusion, social
media
Use synonyms
 and networking
platforms
Use synonyms
 pose numerous threats to individuals and society as a whole. But the merits of these
platforms
Use synonyms
 shouldn’t be discredited as well. They help us in connecting with the rest of the world and keep up with news and recent events. It is crucial to mitigate all drawbacks of social
media
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
maximizing
Change the spelling
maximising
show examples
 its positive potential through responsible use, digital literacy initiatives and ethical guidance for platform governance.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make the main ideas clearer and keep them in a known order. Use 2-3 strong ideas and develop each well.
content
Add more clear examples for each idea and connect them to your point.
language
Use short, simple words to link ideas, like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'for example'.
content
You show a clear view at once and stick with it.
structure
You talk about both bad and good sides.
content
You give a closing line that says how to use social media better.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • destabilize
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • productivity
  • foster connections
  • educational content
  • social activism
What to do next:
Look at other essays: