IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

People
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 have different views about whether
information
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 in areas like science, business and academic
research
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 should be made widely accessible.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that sharing
information
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 brings many benefits, others argue that
some
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apply
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certain types of knowledge are so crucial and sensitive that
it
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they
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 can not be made public. In my opinion,
information
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 should be shared because it promotes innovation and efficiency. There are several reasons why not all
information
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 should be shared freely, particularly in business and scientific fields.
Firstly
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, in the business world, some
information
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 is highly valuable and needs to be protected. If companies share their confidential data, they may lose their competitive advantage and suffer financial losses because competitors could copy their products, strategies, or technologies without investing
time
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 and resources in developing them.
Furthermore
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, certain types of scientific
information
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 may be dangerous if they are misused. That means some advanced technologies or
research
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 related to harmful substances could be used for illegal purposes, which could threaten public safety.
On the other hand
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,
it is clear that
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 sharing
information
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 is essential for development and innovation. When knowledge is shared among researchers and companies,
people
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 can learn from each other and generate new ideas more quickly.
As a result
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, many discoveries can spread faster and help solve global problems more efficiently.
In addition
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, sharing
information
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 can reduce unnecessary repetition of work. If
people
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 have access to existing
research
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, they do not need to spend
time
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 repeating the same experiments, which saves both
time
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 and resources.
For example
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, during the COVID-19 pandemic, scientists around the world shared
research
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 data, which helped
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
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 vaccines in a shorter period of
time
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. In conclusion, I believe that
information
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 should be shared as it brings benefits in terms of promoting innovation and improving efficiency.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You did this, but your own view could be stronger and more clear all through the essay.
task response
Add one more clear idea on why sharing should happen, or explain your opinion more deeply in the last body paragraph.
task response
Be careful with small word choice and grammar problems, because they can make ideas less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words well, but do not use too many simple ones in the same way. Try a wider range.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main point with a little more detail so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
task response
You discuss both views, so you answer the main task.
task response
Your example about COVID-19 is relevant and helps your point.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a clear order from one paragraph to the next.
coherence and cohesion
You have both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps the essay feel complete.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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