IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is argued that it is necessary for people
share
Verb problem
to share
show examples
 the
information
Use synonyms
 in public. Supporters of
this
Linking Words
 opinion might wish for a world where
information
Use synonyms
 is shared as freely as possible. For the convenience of data, exports or scholars from all fields can easily attach to these materials. With
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
information
Use synonyms
, individuals can freely deep
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 plenty of aspects of professional research.
In addition
Linking Words
, it reduces the probability of
unfair
Correct article usage
an unfair
show examples
 informational situation, especially in the general market. Competitors in the market can fairly compete with others, which helps to create a trustworthy business environment. At the same time, consumers can make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rational decisions in advance of viewing
those
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
information
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, opponents to
this
Linking Words
 idea may pay more attention to the privacy of
owner
Correct article usage
the owner
show examples
. As a company, there does exist some data
that is
Linking Words
 one of their commercial secrets and can not be made public.
Similarly
Linking Words
, as a researcher in one subject, the value of research is greatly crucial for the editor or
detector
Check wording
reviewer
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, individuals have the right to decide whether to
public
Replace the word
publish
show examples
 their data, rather than forcing everyone to share their academic
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
. In my opinion, I am potentially closer to the perspective that everyone has their own
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to share or not. From my own experience, it takes me several months to complete my academic paper. Since it is pretty valuable to me, I believe individuals have the authority to determine whether their
information
Use synonyms
 is shared publicly.

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planning
Plan a clear view first. Start with a short intro that shows your view. Then give two sides in separate parts and finish with your own clear stance.
cohesion
Use simple links to show how ideas fit. Words like first, on one side, on the other side, and however help the flow.
content
Give simple examples to back up points.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Use 'to share' with 'people' and 'information' in the right form.
content
There is a clear effort to talk about both sides.
analysis
The topic is kept simple and easy to read; the writer shows care for privacy and fair use.
language
Some good ideas are clear and easy to get.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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