IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In modern days, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that sharing as much
information
Use synonyms
 as possible in different realms is significant.
While
Linking Words
 others claim that some
information
Use synonyms
 is too essential and valuable to be shared freely. From my perspective, I believe
by
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 striking a balance between both of them would be more beneficial to the world. On the one hand, there is no doubt that with
the technology
Replace the word
technological
 assistance,
people
Use synonyms
 can easily access the
internet
Use synonyms
 and share their findings or studies on different platforms. By sharing the
information
Use synonyms
 on the
internet
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can surf
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
internet
Use synonyms
 and gain knowledge.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they refrain from making mistakes.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Taiwan, students
studied
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 in college find research on the
internet
Use synonyms
 to support their studies, which is a crucial
media
Check wording
resource
show examples
 for those students to finish their
works
Check wording
work
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 indicates the importance of sharing the
information
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the world.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some of the
information
Use synonyms
 is too valuable and might
thus
Linking Words
results
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 in
over use
Correct your spelling
overuse
. In Taiwan, some
people
Use synonyms
 copy the
information
Use synonyms
which are
Correct subject-verb agreement
that is
show examples
 found easily through
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 or books to complete their reports.
This
Linking Words
 demonstrates that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easy access
of getting
Change preposition
to
show examples
 resources leads to not proper usage.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential to set some boundaries before reaching the
information
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that most of the
information
Use synonyms
 should be shared
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the public
for helping
Wrong verb form
to help
show examples
 those who are in need;
however
Linking Words
, some of the resources that are professional should set some boundaries before
people
Use synonyms
 get them. By striking a balance between both of them,
people
Use synonyms
 can make good use of the
information
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Write both sides more fully. Your view is clear, but each side needs a bit more detail.
task response
Give more exact examples. Your Taiwan example helps, but it is still quite general.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are stated, but not fully developed.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body, and end. Keep this structure.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some sentences connect well, but a few feel unclear or forced.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form and word choice because small errors make the flow weaker.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
task response
Your position is clear: you support a balanced way.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use an introduction and a conclusion well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
Look at other essays: