IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

‏ some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others think it can be educational and helpful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people think that
children
Use synonyms
 engaging with
Use synonyms
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 can have bad results,whilst
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that allowing
children
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 to watch
Use synonyms
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 will have its own benefits. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I’ll discuss both views and give my final thoughts. Many parents think that when
Children
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 are observing
Use synonyms
tv
Correct your spelling
TV, it
 has a lot of negative outcomes.
Children
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 are not mature enough to have
self control
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self-control
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
children
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 can develop an
adiction
Correct your spelling
addiction
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
. The addiction can
effect
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affect
show examples
 their focus and their sight. When
children
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 lose their focus
their
Punctuation problem
, their
show examples
 performance in academics will be
effected
Use the right word
affected
show examples
two
Check wording
apply
show examples
. As an example, many parents who allowed their
children
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 to use
Use synonyms
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 are now
regreting
Correct your spelling
regretting
 it,and have restricted the access to it. Watching
TV
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 be beneficial
to teach
Change preposition
for teaching
show examples
children
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 new topics . Allowing your
children
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 to watch
TV
Use synonyms
 can have its own advantages. Many
channels
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 on
TV
Use synonyms
 offer
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good educational
informations
Correct your spelling
information
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
national geographic
Fix capitalization
National Geographic
show examples
,learning how to count
channels
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, and religious
chaneels
Correct your spelling
channels
. All of those
channels
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 are
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the information
children
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 can receive from watching
TV
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.
Although
Linking Words
 these
channels
Use synonyms
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good outputs
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
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. As an example, many teachers teach their young
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of
youtube
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YouTube
show examples
 videos. In conclusion, I believe that watching
Use synonyms
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
 has a positive impact on
children
Use synonyms
,but the families need to watch after them to prevent the
over usage
Correct your spelling
overusage
 of
Use synonyms
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
,and the disadvantages it may cause.

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improvement
Work on linking ideas with clear, small links. Use words like first, also, but, for example to join your thoughts.
improvement
Make each paragraph have a main idea at the start. Then give one or two ideas and an example.
improvement
Check writing for fast mistakes: spell simple words right and use the right verb forms.
structure
The essay shows you want to give both sides and share your view at the end.
examples
You give real examples such as TV shows and YouTube as ideas to discuss.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Negative effects
  • Physical health
  • Mental health
  • Excessive
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Obesity
  • Attention span
  • Cognitive development
  • Inappropriate
  • Violence
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Educational
  • Informative
  • Knowledge
  • Learning abilities
  • Diverse cultures
  • Languages
  • Experiences
  • Values
  • Life lessons
  • Bonding
  • Moderation
  • Parental guidance
  • Entertainment benefits
What to do next:
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