It is important for children, young adults, working people and the retired to have at least one hobby? What your opinion?

People should have some kinds of hobbies because they offer pleasure and entertainment during leisure time. I strongly believe that every age has some special interests, as they provide numerous advantages like positivity and peace. One major benefit of having at least one hobby is establishing a positive environment. Since individuals have stress from school and work, it is an important approach that they to participate in meaningful
activities
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. These
activities
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can distract them from a stressful atmosphere and put them in pleasing
activities
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.
For example
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, cooking, painting and listening to music play a vital role in people's lives because they can unwind and engage in creative
activities
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.
As a result
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, they will improve creativity and bring positivity in the future. Another advantage is having peace of mind. If children play sports or outdoor
activities
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,
this
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will promote
overall
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well-being.
This
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is because sports open different doors for them and lead their life to a different level.
Moreover
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, working full-time employees should
also
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do something that relaxes them. For example,
while
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driving to home or work, they can simply listen to songs which help refresh their mind, increasing
overall
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productivity.
On the other hand
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, older people can go for a walk, which helps them to remain connected to the natural beauty so that they feel relaxed and peaceful. In conclusion, even though it is difficult to pursue many hobbies, individuals can spend their leisure time by engaging in one activity which makes them happy. These
activities
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help them to be positive and peaceful in their lives, which will enhance their creativity.

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Task response
The answer has a clear view. Add a line at the start that tells what you think for all ages. Then give one idea for each group: child, teen, worker, and old person.
Coherence
Link ideas with small words. Use also, but, so, and then to move thoughts. Make a last sentence that links to the next idea.
Grammar/Lexical
Use simple words and fix small errors. For example, 'these activities can distract them from a stressful atmosphere and put them in pleasing activities' could be 'these activities help them forget stress and join nice tasks.'
Task response
Give one or two real examples for each idea and keep the language easy.
Idea
The writer shows a clear view that hobbies are good for all ages.
Content
There are examples of hobbies like cook, paint, music, and sport.
Structure
There is a start and end that show plan.
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