IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe parents and teachers should supervise children very closely, while others think children should have freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are divided opinions
among
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on
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 how
parents
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 supervise their kids.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals believe
parents
Use synonyms
 should be over them all the time, others think
children
Use synonyms
 should be
more free
Correct word choice
freer
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 and independent.
Although
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 both
perspetives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 have valid points,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 believe it is more reasonable to find a balance between these two ideas. On the one hand,
parents
Use synonyms
 who are more
restriced
Correct your spelling
restrictive
 with their
children
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,
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apply
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 do so for their protection and safety. It is estimated that kids
in
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between
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ages
Correct article usage
the ages
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between
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of
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 3 to 5
,
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apply
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have
Verb problem
are
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 three times more likely to suffer severe
accidets
Correct your spelling
accidents
 compared to
children
Use synonyms
 6
old
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apply
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an
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and
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 up.
This
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 occurs because they
dont
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don't
 have a real
perseption
Correct your spelling
perception
 of danger and,
therefore
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,
parents
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 and teachers must be very attentive to prevent risky situations.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 who grow up with permissive
parents
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,
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apply
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experiment
Verb problem
experience
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 more accidents and daily problems
,
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;
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 at the same time, they learn from them and tend to be more independent and mature.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by the Ministry of Childhood
,
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apply
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 showed that kids with greater freedom margins
,
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apply
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 have a higher frustration tolerance
an
Use the right word
and
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also
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 a stronger mind, compared with other
children
Use synonyms
.
However
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, both freedom and
excesive supervicion
Correct your spelling
excessive supervision
 could be damaging for them. The key is knowing when
leave
Verb problem
to leave
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 them alone and when
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 pertinent to check them out.
Furthermore
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 should always be aware of what their sons do and who their peers are.
To conclude
Linking Words
, both perspectives have good intentions behind
, but
Correct pronoun usage
them, but
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parents
Use synonyms
 must strike a balance
from
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between
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 overseeing them and
set
Wrong verb form
setting
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 them free, since these ideas are not
opossed
Correct your spelling
opposed
, but complement each other.

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task
Make your key idea clear in one line at the start of the essay.
content
Use one or two good facts or examples to show your point.
structure
Keep to one idea per paragraph and use good linking words.
development
You show care for both sides.
coherence
You give your own view in the end.
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