IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, there is a controversial discussion on whether
advertisements
Use synonyms
 have their effective role in absorbing customers' attention and improving sales levels or not. I assume advertising has a noticeable effect on changing the market's trend. On one hand, some individuals believe we are facing with vast variety of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
wide-spreadness
Correct your spelling
widespreadness
 turns it into a useless tool in marketing. In an ordinary day, we are faced with countless
advertisements
Use synonyms
both
Punctuation problem
, both
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 traditional ,
such
Linking Words
 as TV commercials, radio
advertisements
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, city banners, and store displays, and digital , namely, video game ads, social media ads, influencer
advertisements
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, advertising emails, and so on.
This
Linking Words
 huge amount of messages
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 buying
stuffs
Fix the agreement mistake
stuff
show examples
turns them into an annoying and trouble-making phenomenon which individuals try to avoid . Statistic shows just under 20% of constant message ads have a chance to even open up by recipients. Under these circumstances, they tend to
ineffective
Verb problem
be ineffective
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 and useless tools for achieving to higher level of marketing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some merchants advocate advertising as an effective tool to persuade consumers to buy particular products. An innovative advertisement which carries a smart message in regard to how that particular
stuff
Check wording
product
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 can meet an essential consumer's need
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 manages to persuade them to rush and buy it.
For instance
Linking Words
, Nike released a social media ad for a product with the line: “Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything
.
Punctuation problem
,
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” and as
result
Correct article usage
a result
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, Nike’s online sales grew by 31% in just 3 days after the ad launched. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the
wide
Correct word choice
widespread
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spread
Check wording
use
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 of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 leads to being known as an annoying feature and a useless tool in marketing,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creative and smart advertising can assure a business to be
market
Correct article usage
a market
show examples
 leader.

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structure
Plan your idea before writing. Make a clear intro, then 2 body parts with one main idea in each, and a short conclusion.
grammar
Use simple and clear sentences. Check for grammar errors like 'facing with' and 'they tend to be ineffective'.
task response
Give your clear view on the topic and link it to the examples you use.
lexical
Use examples that fit the point you make and keep the link between idea and example.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides of the issue.
example
A real example (Nike) is used to back a point.
analysis
There is an attempt to share a personal view at the end.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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