IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many companies today sponsor sports as a way of advertising themselves. Some people think that this is a good thing for the world of sports. Others think this has disadvantages. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent decades, various approaches to advertising brands have emerged, one of which is leveraging
sports
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 to
popularize
Change the spelling
popularise
show examples
 themselves. There is an ongoing debate about
this
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 issue; some advocate that it will bring numerous benefits,
while
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 others believe the opposite. From my standpoint, I am certainly convinced that taking advantage of
sports
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 for personal gain can lead to several drawbacks.
This
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 essay will delve into both perspectives before drawing a conclusion. On the one hand, it is obvious that
sports
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 sponsorship makes a significant contribution to the development and prevalence of
sports
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.
First,
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companies provide financial assistance for training, facilities, and equipment, supporting athletes to perform better at the competition.
Moreover
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, by launching the brand’s advertising campaign through social media or TV programs, the popularity of the
sports
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 involved could be widespread, and reinforce the influence of those
sports
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.
On the other hand
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,
that is
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 not to say that using
sports
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 for branding purposes has no negative consequences. The true meaning of sportsmanship has been distorted by excessively focusing on
commercialization
Change the spelling
commercialisation
show examples
, causing the spirit of competition to lose its original value.
In addition
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, the sponsorship from corporations of fast food or alcohol could spoil the public perception of athletics.
For example
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, so many times the football player Cristiano Ronaldo had knocked over a sponsor’s soft drink bottle to convey that
such
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 beverages are not good for health, especially in
sports
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.
To sum up
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,
although
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 some people argue that providing funds for athletics as a way to
popularize
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popularise
show examples
 the companies’ reputation could have a positive impact on the world of
sports
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, others contend that
over-commercialization
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over-commercialisation
show examples
 corrupts the true spirit of
sports
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. Personally, I believe that companies should use
sports
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 as a means of advertising to a moderate extent in order to preserve their core value.

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planning
Make your main view very clear at the end. State it simply.
content
Give more facts or examples to back ideas.
coherence
Use small link words to move from one idea to the next.
grammar
Check for small grammar mistakes and fix them.
style
Use short, simple sentences when you write.
task response
You show both sides and add a clear view.
coherence
You use the on the one hand / on the other hand form well.
content
You give a real life example to back your point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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