IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Although nowadays many people have access to sports facilities, modern lifestyles are becoming less and less active. What problems are associated with this? How can people be persuaded to have a more active lifestyle?

It has been pointed out that exercise infrastructure is getting easier to access for every single person nowadays,
while
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 people's daily routine is becoming less active. Personally,
this
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 disgraceful situation will cause devastating health detriments to individuals, and employers should take measures to tackle
this
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 issue. First of all, a sedentary lifestyle will bring serious physical issues to many individuals.
This
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 is because participating in physical activities can boost the immune system and build a strong body, which lowers the risk of catching several illnesses,
such
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 as obesity and diabetes.
By contrast
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, those who rarely work out in their daily lives are much more likely to catch various diseases,
thus
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 impairing their physical well-being.
For instance
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, a majority of office workers who work in famous accounting firms complain that
although
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 gyms or sports facilities are more common nowadays than they were in the past, they seldom have free time to work out
due to
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 their busy working lives.
As a result
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 of
this
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 trend, they are suffering from digestive issues and insomnia now.
Furthermore
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, every organisation should implement various programmes to change the bad life habits. The reason is that a significant proportion of people have a job now, and if their firms launch campaigns or incentive programmes to raise their staff's awareness of the drawbacks of sedentary lifestyles, the effect will be significant. As an illustration, several senior executives working in an investment bank in New York say that their physical condition is much better than it was, as their company has been distributing a free gym membership card to every worker since 2023, which encourages them to do some exercise during their lunch breaks, leading to good health conditions. In conclusion,
although
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 people may vary in their opinion on what problems will be brought by an inactive lifestyle and how to deal with the issues, I am of the opinion that
this
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 appalling circumstance has negative effects on physical well-being, and companies ought to take action to solve
this
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 problem.

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content
For task response, add more detail on the problems people face (time, cost, city life) and give more steps to move people to act, like public campaigns and school work.
structure
For coherence, use clear flow from problem to cause to action. Put one main idea in each paragraph and finish with a short idea that links back to the question.
idea
Clear view that employers should act.
structure
Good use of order in the essay with intro, body and conclusion.
idea
Some specific examples show the point well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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