IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

The world's reliance on
oil
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 has led to substantial investments in its exploration, despite its inevitable depletion. Given
this
Linking Words
 reality, some argue that financial resources should be redirected toward renewable
energy
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 sources
such
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 as wind and solar power.
While
Linking Words
oil
Use synonyms
 remains critical to certain industries, I believe prioritizing clean
energy
Use synonyms
 is both practical and necessary for long-term sustainability.
Oil
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 is still an essential resource, particularly in sectors like transportation, aviation, and heavy industry, where renewable alternatives are not yet fully developed.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
oil
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 industry provides employment and economic stability in many countries, and an abrupt shift away from fossil fuels could lead to job losses and financial instability. Critics
also
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 highlight that
oil
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 is a reliable and high-density
energy
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 source, unlike
renewables
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, which depend on weather conditions. Many developing nations,
in particular
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, lack the infrastructure to transition quickly, making continued
oil
Use synonyms
 investment seem like a logical choice.
However
Linking Words
, these arguments focus on short-term benefits rather than long-term viability.
While
Linking Words
 the transition to
renewables
Use synonyms
 presents challenges, continuous advancements in battery storage and grid technology are making clean
energy
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 more reliable. A gradual shift- rather than an immediate overhaul- can balance economic concerns
while
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 reducing dependence on
oil
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.
Furthermore
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, renewable
energy
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 industries create new employment opportunities in research, engineering, and infrastructure, offsetting potential job losses. Countries
such
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 as Germany and Denmark have successfully integrated
renewables
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, proving that
energy
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 systems can be adapted without major disruption. In conclusion,
while
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oil
Use synonyms
 remains vital in some areas, it is neither sustainable nor a long-term solution. A strategic transition toward
renewables
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 will not only ensure
energy
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 security but
also
Linking Words
 mitigate environmental harm and promote economic resilience in the future.

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear position throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to improve the flow of ideas, such as 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'however'.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to support your points.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the issue, which is important.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with clear paragraphs for each main point.
task achievement
You addressed both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view. This is commendable.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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