IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

ome people think that visiting museums is the best way for children to learn history, while many others think there are several better ways. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, some people argue that visiting museums
more
Verb problem
is more
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 beneficial for children in order to learn about history,
while
Linking Words
 others believe there are other resources. In my view,
although
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 online platforms and libraries
helpful
Verb problem
are helpful
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 in
this
Linking Words
 regard, I strongly believe visiting
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
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 can help kids in a much better way.
This
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 essay will discuss both
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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. On the one hand, museums play a vital role
to understand
Change preposition
in understanding
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 the culture. To illustrate,
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
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 allows pupils to see the past and touch some items.
At
Change preposition
As
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 a result, it
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
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 their critical thinking skills and memory.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is an interesting way to encourage them to explore more about their culture and be
knowledgeable
Correct article usage
a knowledgeable
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 person.
Therefore
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, parents should visit the
museum
Use synonyms
 with their children to
know
Verb problem
learn
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 how
it
Correct word choice
important it
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 is an important place.
On the other hand
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, it is true that there are
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
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 ways to learn about traditional culture,
such
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 as reading books and social media. Reading
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
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 imagination
while
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 they are reading
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 some of them
be
Wrong verb form
are
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curios
Use the right word
curious
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 to search more and more about the past.
Additionally
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, watching short movies
in
Change preposition
on
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 social media
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it easy to get the idea for them. Despite that, I feel it is boring for some children to only read or see pictures
through
Change preposition
on
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screen
Correct article usage
a screen
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. In conclusion,
although
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 reading and using technology can support students to gain knowledge about history, I firmly agree
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 benefits from visiting museums outweigh other ways.
However
Linking Words
, we should
visiting
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
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 in order to understand
grandparents’
Correct article usage
the grandparents’
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 generation.

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planning
Plan your essay first. Write a short plan with 3 main ideas.
structure
Each paragraph should have one main idea. Use a clear topic sentence.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas go with each other.
content
Give real examples, dates or facts when you can.
grammar
Check grammar and use correct verb and article forms.
conclusion
End with a strong view in the last part.
presentation
The essay shows the ask and has a view at the end.
content
There are ideas on why museums can help learning.
balance
It mentions more than one way to learn.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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