IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

many people believe that a university education is necessary for a good career. do you agree or disagree? what other factors can contribute to a good career?

There is an ongoing debate about the relationship between higher education and a good career. Some people believe that they have positive correlation,
while
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 others do not . From my perspective, a higher degree of educational certification could help people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get a better
job
Use synonyms
. On one hand, the
university
Use synonyms
 provides professional knowledge and qualifications which help
students
Use synonyms
 to gain higher employment and better competitiveness.
As a result
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, people with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher educational
certification
Fix the agreement mistake
certifications
show examples
 can access high-paying or stable jobs more easily, compared to others.
For example
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, nowadays,
students
Use synonyms
 tend to find a
job
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 after getting a
university
Use synonyms
 degree because they will have better competitiveness and a greater bargaining chip to negotiate a higher salary.
Therefore
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, in my opinion, a
university
Use synonyms
 education is necessary for a good
job
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, vocational training is
also
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 a key to accessing a better
job
Use synonyms
.
University
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 usually focuses too much on theoretical knowledge, leading
students
Use synonyms
 to lack hands-on experience.
This
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 situation results in their failure to develop problem-solving skills in the real world. When they face problems which are not mentioned in the textbook before, they will struggle to apply what they have learned;
thus
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, employers need to spend extra time and resources on training, which reduces graduates' competitiveness in the
job
Use synonyms
 market.
For example
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, in Germany, in some fields,
students
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 with vocational training can have better salaries because employers do not have to invest more resources in them.
Therefore
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, having hands-on experience is
also
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 competitive in the
job
Use synonyms
 market. In conclusion,
although
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 in my point of view, an academic degree is important in the
job
Use synonyms
 market, there are some factors that influence a career,
such
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 as hands-on experience.

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tip
Be clear about your view in the first paragraph.
tip
Put a strong topic sentence in each paragraph to show the main idea.
improvement
Watch long sentences and fix grammar and punctuation.
tip
Keep words simple and use common words.
tip
End with a short, strong conclusion that restates your view and sums up.
tip
Use smooth links to move ideas between paragraphs.
strength
Strength: You show both sides and give a real example.
strength
Strength: You give a real example to back your point.
strength
Clear view on the topic.
strength
Use of example to back a claim.
strength
Balanced take with both sides talked.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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