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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals.. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

When it comes to environmental problems, people’s opinions vary.
While
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 a segment of society argues that the most significant problem is the loss of plant and animal variety, others hold the contrasting view that there are more important environmental issues. As for me, I side with the latter. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, there is no doubt that the disappearance of specific species of flora and fauna is a severe issue.
Firstly
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, it may trigger a breakdown in the food chain.
For instance
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, if the frogs were to become extinct, pests would lose their natural enemy
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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will
Wrong verb form
would
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 lead to
population
Correct article usage
a population
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 surge and thereby
jeopardizing
Verb problem
jeopardise
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 agricultural production.
In addition
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, the loss of plant variety reduces biodiversity and undermines ecosystem stability, posing a threat to global food security. What is more, the medical field depends on biodiversity. If some species of plants disappear, the main components of some medicines will be lost. 
On the other hand
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, there are more significant environmental issues
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as climate change and plastic pollution.
To begin
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 with, climate change is mainly caused by air pollution. The excessive emission of carbon dioxide contributes to the greenhouse effect, after which global temperature rises steadily and
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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turn
Punctuation problem
turn,
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 increases natural disasters like floods and droughts.
Moreover
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, it is plastic pollution that damages the oceans. Not only does it harm the marine environment, but
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also
Correct pronoun usage
it also
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 endangers the lives of marine creatures. In conclusion,
although
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 the species decline is a major factor in environmental damage, there are many other factors-
such
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 as climate change and plastic pollution- that are equally significant. As part of the ecosystem, humans should spare no
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 to address these interrelated environmental problems and attach great importance to protecting the entire ecological balance.

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language
Facts are not all correct. Climate change is due to gases from human activities, not only 'air pollution'.
vocabulary
Use only simple words from the top 100 words. Keep short, clear sentences.
structure
Make your main idea clear in the first sentence of each paragraph (topic sentence).
content
Add more specific examples or numbers to back points.
structure
Clear view is stated in intro and again in conclusion.
coherence
Good use of linking phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
content
The essay looks at both sides before giving your own view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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