Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that children should be motivated to be more competitive,
while
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others feel that cooperation is a more important value to
instill
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instil
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in youngsters.
This
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essay will discuss both these views,
a
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and a
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balanced approach will be shown to prove that they are equally valid. It is important that young people are pushed to be the best they can possibly be
,
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apply
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in whatever pursuit they take part in.
This
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drive to win boosts their work ethic and teaches them that hard work and discipline are the keys to success.
For example
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, it was shown in a recent study by Queen’s University that students who won something in sports before they reached the age of 14
,
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apply
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were 42% more likely to go on to third-level education than those who did not. Despite
this
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, the development of a child requires not only a will to win, but
also
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lessons on the value of teamwork. Working as part of a
team
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strengthens our empathy, selflessness and
make
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makes
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us more responsible toward others. If one were to want to win at the expense of those around us, it is likely that we would alienate our peers and become detached from any
team
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we operate in.
For example
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, Michael Jordan was often criticised by his coaches for being too competitive in practice and overly critical of his
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team mates
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teammates
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and
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, and
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he had to change for the sake of his
team
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. In conclusion, our young ones should be taught to try their best to achieve their goals, but
this
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should
also
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be balanced with the importance of working with others. Both are equally important and will result in a more balanced young adult.

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structure
Make the essay clear with a clear sentence at the start of each paragraph to show its main idea.
content
Give more real and clear examples, and show how they help the point.
grammar
Fix grammar and keep pronouns and verb form right in each sentence.
coherence
Use simple but strong link words to move from one idea to the next.
content
The essay shows a fair balance of view and uses an opinion.
structure
Intro and end are clear parts in the essay.
content
Some good examples are used to back ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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