IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Caring for children is probably the most important thing of the society. It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

In our society, looking after
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important things. All of the
parents
Use synonyms
 should be asked
for taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
training
Change preposition
to training
show examples
 classes. I completely agree with the idea that these
parents
Use synonyms
 should take the course and learn some babysitting skills. Caring for
children
Use synonyms
 is a tough mission for any
humanity
Replace the word
human
show examples
, especially those expecting
parents
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 it would be very well-being to welcome
this
Linking Words
 little new life, they have to face a bunch of challenges. The most direct one is how to look after these kids. Without any preparations, these first-time
parents
Use synonyms
 might be stressed out, or even do something
that is
Linking Words
 harmful for kids,
such
Linking Words
 as feeding them too much in one meal or shocking them
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
while
Linking Words
 they are sleeping. With the course,
parents
Use synonyms
 can learn several fundamental skills,
for instance
Linking Words
, how to stop
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
baby cry
Wrong verb form
baby's crying
show examples
, how often you
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
feed
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 infant, and some other important babysitting techniques. Which can make these rookie
parents
Use synonyms
 more familiar with it, or even avoid some accidents
happened
Wrong verb form
from happening
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
, if these moms and dads
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 used to those practical caring skills, they might become
more calmly
Correct word choice
calmer
show examples
 to
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
show examples
 their kids,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
refrain
Verb problem
help prevent
show examples
 some mental health problems. Since
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 probably
now
Use the right word
know
show examples
 how to deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the situations.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I think making these
parents
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
take the courses is necessary.Which can decrease the difficulty of raising a child,
avoid
Correct word choice
and avoid
show examples
 some tragedies
happened
Wrong verb form
from happening
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can let those
children
Use synonyms
 grow in a suitable environment

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make a short plan before you write. Start with a clear intro, then add two or three main ideas, and finish with a clear end.
language
Use simple, exact words. Check spelling and sign. Put full stops and commas to separate ideas.
content
Give more real examples and show both sides if asked to discuss extent.
content
The writer shows clearly that they agree with the idea.
structure
Some facts are used, like how to stop a baby from crying.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • care
  • children
  • society
  • important
  • parents
  • training
  • skills
  • understand
  • needs
  • situations
  • behavior
  • safety
  • relationship
  • trust
  • love
  • outcomes
  • healthy
  • successful
  • future
What to do next:
Look at other essays: