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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people's eating habits are changing rapidly, and this has led to a major increase in health problems such as obesity. What are the main causes of these changes, and what are the main effects on society?

In many countries, people's eating habits are changing rapidly, which has led to a major increase in
health
Use synonyms
 problems
such
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 as obesity.
This
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 essay will discuss the main factors contributing to
this
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 dietary shift and
analyze
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analyse
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 the resulting significant effects on society and the economy. One of the primary factors driving poor eating habits is the increased availability of highly processed, energy-dense
foods
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 like fast food. People have found a convenient alternative for a quick meal in their busy schedules.
However
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, these
foods
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 are loaded with artificial flavours, high amounts of sugar, and unhealthy fats, and are often cheaper than the ingredients for a healthy meal.
This
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 demonstrates that processed
foods
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 are popular
due to
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 their fast, cheap availability, overshadowing their unhealthy consequences. A contributing factor is the lack of physical activity. Many people nowadays work in front of a desk, relying on technology like cars and lifts.
This
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 combination of an unhealthy diet and a sedentary lifestyle, which requires far fewer calories, is the root cause of the problem.
This
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 leads to a strain on the public healthcare system
as well as
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 a decline in workforce productivity.
Firstly
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, the direct link between rising obesity rates and chronic diseases like heart disease, diabetes, or liver failure leads to massive increases in demand for medical services, driving up national healthcare costs and straining resources.
Secondly
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, an increase in
health
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 issues can lead to increased sick leave, early retirement, and a general decline in productivity, especially in jobs requiring physical
labor
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labour
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.
This
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 shortage of able-bodied workers can slow economic growth. In conclusion, highly processed, unhealthy
foods
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 combined with a sedentary lifestyle lead to
health
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 problems like obesity.
This
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in
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, in
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turn
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turn,
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 causes significant
health
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 issues that place a major strain on healthcare resources and ultimately contribute to a productivity decline and a weaker economy.
This
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 clearly shows the urgent need for government intervention to combat these negative societal effects.

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organization
Use one main idea per paragraph and link them with clear words like 'also' or 'however'.
content
Give one strong example for each point to show how it works in real life.
grammar
Keep sentences short. Break long thoughts into two or three parts to avoid mistakes.
structure
Make a clear opening line and a firm end to the essay.
structure
The essay states the topic and plan in the intro.
coherence
Good use of cause and effect links (this leads to, as a result).
purpose
Conclusion asks for action, which shows a clear purpose.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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