IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

“Some people believe that sports play a vital role in improving human health, while others argue that sports have only a minor effect. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.”

In today’s modern world,
people
Use synonyms
 hold different opinions on different issues. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that different types of
sports
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in improving human
health
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
sports
Use synonyms
 have a minor effect on
people
Use synonyms
’s
health
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 there are many other strategies
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be taken
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to improve
health
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both perspectives, but I personally believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 have a positive effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
health
Use synonyms
. Looking into more details, on the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 are
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 integral part of human life,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 has many positive effects on
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
health
Use synonyms
. No doubt,
sports
Use synonyms
 are a great source of entertainment, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
Linking Words
refreshes
Correct subject-verb agreement
refresh
show examples
 our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to learn different lessons of life.
Sports
Use synonyms
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s stamina against many diseases
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 by improving the human
immunity
Replace the word
immune
show examples
 system. Another supporting reason is that
;
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discipline in every aspect of life.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are many types of
sports
Use synonyms
 that
keeps
Correct subject-verb agreement
keep
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 healthy, but cricket is one of the most famous
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 that maintains the fitness level of
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the effects of games on human
health
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very little. Many
individual’s
Check wording
individuals’
show examples
 thoughts that
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 diet, regular exercise are the most important alternative ways
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
maintains
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
 human
health
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I strongly support the idea that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
paly
Use the right word
play
show examples
 a very effective role in human
health
Use synonyms
, because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
show examples
human’s
Check wording
humans’
show examples
 immunity. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both sides have strong arguments, I firmly believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 are
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
health
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Make a clear plan before writing. Put a simple statement of view in the intro and list the main ideas in order.
organisation
Use one idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and end with a link to the next point.
content
Give more examples or details to back each point. Avoid relying on one sport as the only example.
grammar
Check sentence endings and commas. Many sentences are run on. Use full stops and connectives more accurately.
lexical
Keep vocabulary simple, but choose precise verbs to express idea better. Correct spellings carefully (e.g., play not paly).
task
The essay states a clear view and follows both sides of the argument.
content
There are some useful points on health benefits like fitness and immunity.
structure
The writer makes an attempt to compare views and to give a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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