IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pictures illustrate a
park
Use synonyms
 named Grange
Park
Use synonyms
 between the years 1920 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
park
Use synonyms
 has made several changes in every part of it that can be seen easily by the readers. Starting with the central area.
Initially
Linking Words
, there was a fountain standing right in the middle of the
park
Use synonyms
, which made it the centre building of the
park
Use synonyms
. Apparently, the fountain is currently replaced by a garden filled with roses , with seats all around the garden.
Then
Linking Words
 moving on to the right side of the
park
Use synonyms
, it was first built a glasshouse by the southern entrance with a garden and a small pond across the glasshouse. Presently, the glasshouse is converted to a spring with more family-oriented spaces on the other side of the spring. It is a cafe and a playground.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, there are a tiny bit of changes on the left-hand side of the
park
Use synonyms
. There was a stage for musicians with benches and rose gardens that flanked it. Nowadays, the stage is removed and changed into an amphitheatre that eventually matches the society more these days.
Although
Linking Words
 there are a lot of improvements from the
park
Use synonyms
, the two entrances are not touched
due to
Linking Words
 maintaining the original value of the
park
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
park
Use synonyms
 added an underground entrance for those who
park
Use synonyms
 their car underground.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: The essay shows some changes of the park. It would help to start with a short summary of the whole park, then give the main points. Try to give exact facts from the picture when you can. Use simple, clear words.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use clear order words like first, next, then, finally. Keep the same time when you talk about past and present. Group ideas that go together in one paragraph to help flow.
structure
It lists changes for each part of the park.
content
It shows a clear idea of change over time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
What to do next:
Look at other essays: